Mustard Seed

How did you spend your Sunday?

Today is the Thanksgiving day of our church. We are established for almost 10 years now. Looking back, I realized that God has been really purposeful in crafting all my endeavours the day I stepped onto this little Red Dot. Suddenly being reminded of one of the bible verses "You are wonderfully and fearfully made" and that He knows you when you're in your mother's womb. Such is the depth and completeness of God's love for me. From knowing Him, to resisting Him, to returning to Him, and to walking with Him.. all of a sudden, I realize that God's writing our love story too. Was watching the Remnant Conference video clip made this afternoon and it brought back so much fond memories. 

Would like to ask you a question - do you often fear the risks that the Lord calls you to take?

I have a little of "that fear" infiltrating my life at times. I know that God has called me for a good cause, and has stored up a whole lot of wonderful treasures awaiting me to uncover and made them mine. But many times, because the good cause that He has called me to do seem to be "a little more holy than who I am", I struggled a lot, and became fearful that I may actually fall short of His glory and expectations. 

So I keep evading until one day, God's voice grew a little clearer, and said I have to stop escaping. Don't know why, that day, somehow the inner strength in me has also grown and I responded "Yes Lord, show me and teach me how".

Don't know why I'm sharing this here, but I really want to tell you that when God calls us to step out in faith, it’s always in the context of growing our relationship with Him. The Lord has compassion on us when we struggle with belief, and He works through our choice to come to Him as we are. 

The Lord doesn’t work in our lives just to see us exercise faith. Above all, He wants us to come face to face with Him and receive His love. 

Don't be blinded by your own limitations and things in life that you can no longer see how unlimited His love is. Pray and listen to Him. Even when you faith is as small as a mustard seed,  God can work miracles through the smallest act of faith. 

Where are you?

No matter how long it's been, no matter how impossible it looks, if you'll stay in faith, your time is coming.

You're in good hands :)

New Principles

Do you occasionally feel that the world is oppressing you and people are being unforgiving and hostile to you?

 I felt a big surge of this at work lately. There is a hostile figure at work whom is well-known to be so for all. Yet, despite all these, despite prepping myself when having to deal with it, I still cave in when it strikes me hard.

Felt crushed, and worthless at times. The Feeling of utter worthlessness. Have you tasted it before?

I ask God why is it so? I prayed before coming to work, I immerse myself in God's words most days of the week, and I remind myself that God is with me all the time, whether I feel it or not.

But at the same time I also want to share with you - that you are a gem in our Lord's eyes.

No matter how things evolve around you, the hostility keep invading into your life - you are still a gem in God's eyes. Your status never change, your identity will never change, your blessings that the Lord Your God had tailored for you - will never be robbed away. Choose to believe in the promise of God, and use it as the core principles of how you will view this world.

Just when I felt so horrible, i was reminded to be slow to react, and pray first. Indeed, I should be grateful that i prayed before coming to work, if not, the frequency of my 'defeat to man' will even be higher. If not, i will not be able to listen to the voice of Holy Spirit as readily, or chose to pray when situations set in.

Suddenly I have these new thoughts coming to me.  Actually, in this field that God has placed me in, there are just 3 important principles I need to live in:

1. Do not fear
2. Humility
3. Do not afraid of getting hurt

Do not fear about things you cannot manage - be it situations, patients, or hostile people. Do not fear about things that have yet to come, nor allow the deceiving forecast of things to rob away your present happiness in Lord. Trust in the Lord, and believe that He is there when you walk your every second of your life,even when you are dealing with the most fearful situations. Trust that He is holding you with His hands and fear not. Have faith in Him, and His plan that only serves to prosper you, but not to harm you.

Be humble. There're always things you don't know, and sometimes the more you learn, the more you don't know. If God places you beside someone who has higher level of "knowledge", learn from that person with a discerning spirit. If you are placed beside someone who is more inferior than yourself, share with that person with grace, knowing that without the learning experience granted from God, you are also the same. And you will also realise,  your seemingly "unfortunate" experience can bring comfort to others.

Do not be afraid of getting hurt. It is not the person who has intentionally set out to hurt you, it is Satan's ploy to want to rob away your joy and block God's voices entering your life, because Satan loves seeing how God's children suffer and lost, not knowing the immense love of God which has already overcome all things on earth, including Satan. Knowing this, your hurt will disappear at once. In return, you will actually hate Satan for controlling that person's line of thought, and it will propel you to resolve in Christ, and to strive towards being holy spirit filled all the time so that you're not deceived by the demons again. Instead of being wounded, or erode in self-bitterness, all the more you see the reason to be constantly Holy Spirit filled.

With these, my self-worthlessness seem to have dissolved. Yea, I know God loves me because the bible tells me so. And He said in all things He will work for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. All I need is His words, and remain in Him.

Amen to the encounters, may this be an opportunity to be more alert and Holy-Spirit filled at all times.

Amen. Amen. AMEN!

- Now faith is confidence in what we hope for, and assurance about what we do not see - Heb 11:1

Opening Our Hearts to Exalt Him

How have you been? I just returned from Baltimore on Saturday morning and I think the jet lag is still affecting me a little. Took some time on Saturday and Sunday to rest so that I can prepare my heart well for the coming week. It's been too much things going on in my head for the past 2 weeks. From church camp to Baltimore, talking to various people at the conference, some meet ups here and there and nice encounters on the plane... if I keep going like this, my mind will keep going on and on and I will not be able to pause and reflect on What Really Are Going On. Thankfully, I managed to have some quiet time to reconcile my thoughts before my Lord before I move on, again..

Wonder how do you feel when you have to keep up with the weekly routine of working and family living. Having to wake up in the morning on every Monday and lamenting about how tough working life is, and struggling to have some balanced time for pleasant and leisure activities, and family, and most irritating of all, not having all of them nicely tucked in the 24 hours schedule -  Such a chore! I happened to set on a journey to find answers for my daily routine some time back because I was quite appalled by the fact that I'm so gonna be a pharmacist for my entire life! I am only 26 this year and lets say retirement sets in at 55 years old, i have a good old 30 years with my pharmacy career!!!  Have you ever had the similar shocking realization too?

I used to have a good friend working as an intern (aka pre-reg pharmacist) in my hospital. He asked me how can I tolerate working such extended hours and having so little time to myself. Work-Life is not balanced as a pharmacist. Odd hours, Odd shifts, On-calls, and Ridiculous things to handle from both patients and people above. And pathetic pay! What seems more real is that, everything he claims seem to be so true to many extent.

But then again, because of this good friend, I realized that there're many more people out there having the same doubts too. If you're a pharmacist, have you always wanted to be one?

I've never thought of being a pharmacist but through turns of events and circumstances I became a pharmacy student in NUS. Always wanted to be a doctor but I did not get into the faculty of medicine. I was quite upset back then. I prayed about it before the enrollment started, and God listened. He let me entered the series of interviews and tests for medicine and in the end He closed the door. Pharmacy was the only door I left with then, if i were to continue my scholarship. And the reason why pharmacy was the only option left was that somehow God made me bold enough to put only 3 choices down for my university application instead of filling up all 5 slots. Pharmacy was the last option in the list. I was that firm about going into healthcare! Amazingly, the moment I accepted that this was the best path for me God started to do many more amazing works in my life.

Firstly, He gradually made me love pharmacy and the things thought in pharmacy. Secondly, He allowed me to have many blessed encounters and I made good friendship throughout my student life in pharmacy. Thirdly, He opened my eyes to the things I can do in healthcare even though I am not going to be a doctor, even though I am not going to have direct healing touch on patients - He showed me healing comes from the Lord. He is the Healer. And through me He will let the healing knowledge of drugs to flow through to the others. If I were to become a doctor, I could be very proud and think highly of myself because I think I can heal others. Seems like God knows me very well and He gave me what is most suitable for me...

Unknowingly,  He made me love being a drug specialist more and more. And most awesome of all, He gave me the heart to want to reflect on my steps. If I have not reflected on all these little steps, I would never discover I was so greatly blessed through it all. Through the 4 years of pharmacy education, God proved to me one thing - If I am willing to let God take charge of my life and seek His perfect will in my studies, relationships and life in general, He will never hide Himself from me too - and He will lead me all the way and in all ways, and I won't feel a tinge of regrets and resentment towards the choices that I've been led to make. Though many things happened through the 4 years, I could only give thanks now for He was there with me through it all.

So this is how I ended up in this hospital too.

Honestly, I don't think life and work are 2 separate things. They are both intertwined, and integrated as one. Just like a person cannot have 2 personalities - because it will then be too tiring to uphold each of them at different fields. Same goes to the work-life balance theory.

One day, I realized that it's not me who had chosen to be a pharmacist but God who had chosen me to be a pharmacist because there're many blessings He would like to give me through my career as a pharmacist and those blessings are tailored to me. One day, I started to feel less tired because I realized that it's not me working but God is working through me. One day, I realized that it's not me who is liable for the treatment errors that happened or should be highly credited for good recommendations I made at work but it's my Heavenly Father who guided me in all the decision makings. I realized that even though I've made a mistake, it's not because I am lousy or horrible. It's because God has allowed it so that I know what is humility. I needed to make that particular mistake at that particular circumstance - so that my heart will be painful and I will return to Lord and not lean upon my own understanding and wisdom, so that people know that I have made the mistake too and that if they happen to commit the same mistake, they will be comforted. And often, even if I've made some good recommendations, I realized that it's not me who made it but it's Him who gave me the wisdom, otherwise I will not be able to think of that at that particular moment. And that in future when my colleagues require help and advice I can shed some help too. One day, even if I resist to believe it, there is this inner assurance that I can be a blessing to others because I'm child of God and most dignified in His eyes.

One day, I also discovered that there're many out there who struggle so hard at their workplace and become so weary and burdensome, because they feel that they're accountable for everything and want to do everything well. However, the truth is, there's a master in our life and He is the one who is shouldering all the burdens for us, all we need is to restore His sovereignty in our lives and the peace that we should and rightfully have, in Christ.

Sometimes, I also think that Satan is really very bad. He often uses the things at work, the busy schedule at work etc to rob away my peace. If I'm careless in guarding my heart,  I might get irritated, panic and helpless easily. Come and think of it, I spend most time at work -  almost 10-12 hours a day in the hospital and indeed, hospital is one of the most major fields in my life. No wonder the thief keeps invading into my heart to steal away my peace in Christ because there's just too much time he can utilize to affect me mentally, physically and emotionally.

Satan always deceives us. He always makes our hearts feel accused for something that do not turn out well - and blame it on our follies and stupidity. Satan always makes us sees how inadequate we are before the many clinical situations in front of us and blind us from the fact that we are already greatly favored by Lord. Only if we have chosen to quiet down before the storm, we will  realize He is still there and His guiding hands have never left us..

Church is not the only place where God exists and can be felt.

What is more real than anything in this world is that -  whether we feel it or not, God is at wherever we are,  and He is always there wanting to show us the way, only if we are willing to listen, and follow His calling. The places He puts us in are precisely the places where blessings are bountiful, and there are also the places where we can be sources of blessings towards others. And I really believe that God has a purpose when He places us in a workplace. He wants us to be happy and enjoy the blessings He has prepared for us. Regardless of the states we are in, He still loves us and He's sovereign in all situations we are dealing. But we often forget because the problems we are dealing are more real than our unseen God, who has already overcome the world! Aren't we gullible?

I think we need an altar at work, really! and I am glad that God answered the prayer. Today is the 2nd time few of us gathering together on a Monday morning to think about God's words, to worship together, and to re-affirm one another of God's love for us and His ever-strong faithful hands in our lives and our workplace. Although it isn't easy for us to come together, but I know that God's already pleased with us for our hearts see the need to restore God's presence at work. Somehow, my heart is truly joyful, because I think this is exactly what everyone of us need - a reminder of God's presence despite the busy schedule and hectic tasks, and to restore the right perspective at work. It is not possible to rely on one's own enthusiasm and ferventness to serve in a workforce for 30 years and be truly joyful in it unless he sees the purpose and enjoys the many blessings given by Lord. I believe that God wants each of us to build our crowns in heaven even at work, and we are the light and salt of our workplace however our faith are.

I pray that God fulfills more than what have already been accomplished. And I pray that as we hold onto the prayer meeting tighter, our faith also grow together, our friends will be able to see God's love at work too and they too can experience the blessings God wants to give them. But in order to do so, we must first restore the love and truth in our hearts.

Sharing with you a song that I once remotely heard of, but revisited today in our prayer meeting:

Heal my heart and make it clean 

Open up my eyes to the things unseen  

Show me how to love like You have loved me

Break my heart for what breaks Yours 

Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause 

As I walk from earth into eternity

So Much :)

It is 2.25 am in the morning and I am still wide awake. It's been a wonderful week and another blessed church camp. In 3.5 hours time I'll be flying to the United States of America and I feel a little excited, finally! Had so much apprehension about going to USA in the beginning. Wasn't sure if it is a correct decision to go, and I've never really liked USA for some reason. Wasn't sure if it is alright to leave the pharmacy for too long and letting others to hold the fort. However as time goes by, as I brought this into prayer and asked God to show me if it's His desire for me to go, things started to fall into place. Firstly, the church camp ended just nicely on the day before I depart and I won't miss any bit of it. Secondly, my boss went all out to get sponsorship for me so that I only need to pay 25% of the air ticket and conference fee. Thirdly, the purpose of the trip is clear - be a good senior to a graduating pharmacy student and to bring blessings to the people whom I gonna meet there.

Another affirmation came when God granted me a USA visa quite right away. The fear of not being able to get it processed in time for the church camp and the USA trip was really uncalled for and I think I was so silly to worry about it. Next time, I need to have greater faith in my Lord who has already made my path straight and spare myself from those unnecessary worries, for I already had God's favor.

Suyun asked me if I've stopped blogging. I have not posted anything for the last 6 months. Honestly, I have not stopped writing. Many unpublished drafts still linger but I have to put them on hold because I need a stronger reason to continue writing on the net. It is my greatest fear to write rubbish and make people fall. If anything, let me write about God and His abundant grace in my life.

Before I left for the church camp, I prayed that I will not put out the fire of the Holy Spirit.

Now, before I leave for my USA trip, I still pray that the Holy Spirit flame within me remains and makes me bolder, stronger and wiser. I have received much from the church camp and I know likewise for my brethren who went with me. I pray that we all whom have received much, can also give much from now on because there're many people out there who really need them, as much :)