Monday, December 2, 2013
Today, I felt a little frightened. Haven't felt like this for a long while.
Yet it has been 2 years.
Every time, when the rotation comes, I find myself feeling fearful again when I have to face certain people at work. Some people who give me a sense of "I am small".
And this feeling comes to me periodically, perhaps once every month for 3 months, then half a year later.
To add on, something also happened at work which makes me feel inadequate, also not knowing how to respond to certain people.
Do you also have similar experience?
I brought this to prayer after lunch and ask God - Lord, why am I so fearful? Have I lost my identity as child of God?
But this is what God convicted me
- My child, yes my child, I am here
But whenever you're fearful, it is because what you want is not ME.
If I am ALL you have ever wanted and desired, you will not be in fear nor lost.
Having Me as your all - isn't it enough?
My heart aches as I realize this. Why do I seek after the acknowledgement of men and worry about not getting into good books and doing "wrong" things at work when God is already my Jehovah Jireh, my faithful lover, supporter and companion? He who guides me in all things will also be with me to the end come what may.
What good do I have if I get into men's good books but having my relationship with God estranged?
What joy do I have when I can only rejoice when things favor me and trembles when things seem to against me, when the Lord my God is sovereign and He is purposeful in all things of my life?
What so awesome about being complimented by someone and knowing it is transient and subjected to conditions, when God has already chosen to love me unconditionally before the creation of the world?
I really deeply realized that the root of sorrow of man is not having Jesus ONLY in heart, it is Jesus+many many other things
Men's unpeacefulness has something to do with what he holds on to.
If a person focuses on His own blessedness, he will be able see the guidance of the HS
Yes Lord, having You is enough.
Nothing is more important than you in me and I am in you. I know I'm the most blissful girl in this world knowing and living in this truth.
15 “If you love me, keep my commands. 16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— 17 the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be[c] in you. 18 I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. 19 Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. 20 On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. 21 Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them.”