Choices

A whole week of hassles and happenings. Where should I begin?

Went for pre-registration pharmacist fair on tuesday. Sat through all the talks and slowly thinking where should I end up at. In my mind, TTSH and AH were top choices for me, followed by NUH, KK and SGH was in my pending list. As the time drew near, I submitted my applications to all institutions except SGH.

In the end, i saw Mindy filling up the SGH application forms prior to 6pm, the time. And then I was thinking.. hm.. mindy is going there too? If she wanna survive there, maybe i can go there and survive with her together yea? You know, SGH is a tough place. Tougher that your mind and brain and heart can imagine. But it is also known for being good. A good learning place with enormous exposure. And yea, my SGH application was in at 6pm, together with Mindy's.

I am very thankful. All the interviews scheduled to me were one of the earliest slots. I couldn't ask for more. 8am at AH, 930am at KK, 1pm at SGH, 2.40pm at NUH. And the next day, TTSH AT 845 am. One of the earliest to finish all interviews i bet :) Nonetheless, I didn't put my time to good use because I was thinking where I should go for my pre-reg training the whole while.

AH called me 3 hours after interview to offer me. I knew it will come, because the panel of interviewers liked me. Honestly, despite being a small hospital, I kinda like AH. Has some sense of humanity radiated from it I feel. Haha... emotions sia.

SGH interview was horrible. I didn't care much, because I've decided not to go there no matter what. Coincidentally, I was at NCC for FYP and i thought maybe i should just walk across to SGH for interview. But the interviewers were quite harsh. Scenario questions... And comments like ' you actually got A+ for pathology and other more medical modules, but why only a B+ for pharmacokinetics and drug disposition? This is what pharmacist should muster you know?'

Faints. I smiled while they smirked.

' What do you see yourself as 3 years down the road, and 6 years down the road?"

"3 years.. i might just be a pharmacist doing a normal, most general tasks of dispensing, pick packing, reviewing medical records etc.'

'You mean you just want to do IMR review, normal stuff like pick packing after 3 years??' they were shocked and at brink of laughing.

'Why not?' I said

And they were shocked with my answer. Disappointed? Don't really matter. This is the most basic thing a pharmacist should do i feel. 3 years... i want to have a feel of everything in 3 years before i decide my specializations later on. I think it is fine with me eh. haha.

The session eneded within 10 mins. I guess we both know that we're not meant for each other.

Interview with NUH was a happy one.
I'm glad they liked me. I started to have affinity to NUH then.

TTSH... not bad. But surprisingly, despite it being my first choice, I didn't feel any sense or special feeling upon entering the building. I questioned myself why.

In the end, NUH, SGH, TTSH and AH offered me.
Really to my amazement.

And I really have a hard time choosing the right one.

But I'm sure in the end, my choice sent shocks signals to everybody, including my buddies.
Maybe it's because of the pharmacy manager who called me three times.
Maybe it's because it's a sense of relevance I felt upon entering that place.

I know it'll be fine wherever I go, as long as God is my constant denominator.
Don't have to be big places to shine.
As long as there's a need for me, I will be able to be happy I guess.

Yep, it's AH :)

February

I told myself that no matter how busy I am, I must write a post, because I do not want to forget what's happened for the past few weeks. Nothing bad happened, just that many small little things that took place and made me start loving being an adult who's not alone in her life battles.

Submitted my first FYP draft on 6 february 4pm. Sleepless nights just for a grading draft. I wonder if every undergraduate has to undergo this phase and I know the answer is No. I asked God if i could trade it with something else more meaningful, because reading journals after journals, editing after editing, thinking after thinking were not the most pleasant episodes of my life. Yet I know, if this phase wasn't for me, He would have ensured I didn't go through it right from the beginning. But here I am, nearing the end of my journey, and I know very well at heart that, this is necessary so that I won't miss out the gracious blessings He has carefully planned for me.

My supervisor got back to me right on the next day, and it freaked me out. I didn't know he's such a workaholic! I submitted a draft with a file of articles, and he's telling me he's in the midst of marking my report. How I wish I can don't hear from him so SOON.

Report is okay, just need to rewrite and re-edit certain parts. And I know I couldn't ask for more. The only thing that I am grateful of is I do not need to do further data collection. Lin and constance had some problems with their reports and I know their heartbeats and happiness reached a nadir the day AC told them this news and asked them to go back NCC for data collection. I felt sorry for them, because I know they spent as much effort into this fyp, and sometimes people do not feel so. Or should I say, the person whom we wish would know about all the hardships and effort we put in this project might not understand.

Let's hope things can get better for everyone of us. Time is running short, yet there's so much to be done. These are really days when smilings get harder. 2 weeks and it will be final report submission, 1 week for final presentation, 1 week for poster presentation ... and in the midst of these, you still need to prepare 4 tests, do-up resume and attend interviews.

I don't dare to think how am I gonna walk towards my potential 2 months but I know somehow we all will pull through this. This is life isn't it?

I have restored my discipleship training at church after my draft submission. You know, when you get sick of school and works, you want to find solace. HAHA... no la, it's because I really want to have a consistent hearing of God's words, and knowing them deeper.

Yea, so tuesday is discipleship training, friday is cell group and sunday is service. Other than these days, I will be in school from 8-6pm at least on tuesday, wednesday and friday, teaching tuition elsewhere. So church, school, home. It's all about them lately. :)

I must admit that I am burdened by many things, and many thoughts running through my head. But I know I will be fine, only do not forget His love is my greatest strength behind all my doings.

I had a good V day last saturday.

My parents came to visit, somehow I feel that God is a great planner. He knows times when I am more free or more lonely, and He'll send people into my life. Yeah, I am very happy to see my parents and they stayed over the weekend! :)

Well we didn't do much, just walk around bugis and chinatown. We walked past a hokkien cd stall and my mom said she wanted to buy some to listen to. You know, besides my mom, there's one particular person who's very pro in singing hokkien songs! He's my 2nd brother! ask him to sing 'yin nan wang' theme song and you'll be so amazed by him! And yea, mom got a nice flower from us (it's free! oops!). Nevertheless, I know mom is very happy. It has been so long since we last bought her a stalk of flower.

Perhaps it's growing up. I feel so much heart aches to see the receding hairlines on daddy. Aging and weakening. Is there anything that I could do for them? They're entitled to elderly's concessions already, I was so gripped by fear when this sudden realization dawn upon me. Somehow, I feel that I miss them loads, and fear losing them loads. I really wish I can earn more money soon so that I can get a house here. I really wish to have them here and stay with us, because I know that's their wish too. Fine getting emo already. Shall stop here.

Have a good day peeps!






I love you.

COT reunion dinner :)

One of my greatest gifts from YEP trip is to know Edwin.
He's my brudderrr...
and the best of all, he has a mom who cooks super nice food, tested and approved by fellow COT-ians :)

Yeap, today COTs went to Edwin's house to have our reunion dinner. COT reunion... once in a blue moon event :) Last year only me, lin and my dear sp managed to go for the CNY feast at edwin's house. His mother is really a great chef, and she prepared so many dishes that we so wanted to finish but in vain, cos the portion was too big. This year, all of us were there to feast, and it felt really "shuang" to conquer 90% of the dishes. Yummy!!!

Menu of the year... (ps: all these were made by edwin's mom, everything!!! not buy from outside eh! ) too bad i don't have the photos of all the food we ate tonight, waiting for zee to upload more... kuai kuai ah!!!


Yu sheng (so cool right, his mom actually made this!!) I ate another yesterday from sakae sushi, i think this is nicer, because the sauce is really good!!)


This dish looks simple, but it requires a lot of work to prepare it.
The wasabi-mayo sauce for the prawn is superb!







From left: Zee, Edwin's dad, Edwin's brother, Edwin, weeping, mindy


COT :)

I enjoyed the night.
Thanks edwin, and xing ku your mom and dad le! :)
ps: please wash your feet before going onto your bed pls :P

Love

Sometimes I really wonder how did I pull through those difficult periods.

Somehow I still did.

You know, the power of love is not strong enough to do all these.
But somehow, the power of being loved can.
You think accepting this love is easy?

Sometimes, loving someone is easy.
But accepting one's love is hard.
It's just like you know that your parents love you,
but to accept their love is hard, if it's not then there won't be so many family quarrels and stuff.

Craps, guess I don't know what I wanna talk about now. Perhaps it's the many worries and fear that are running through my mind sets me into an emo state again.
I just want to write down a few lines,and reassure that I'm very loved,
and it's this love that gave me strength, through the many phases in the past,
and it will give me enough strength for now, and future.

Happy Chinese New Year to all :)

Come What May..

It feels quite different to travel to school. Now I truly understand how my peers have been waking up early for the 8am lesson and trying to cope with the fatigue caused by sleep deficiency and long journey to and fro school daily. Luckily this experience comes to me when I am in my final semester, so not that bad. In fact, I feel I am enjoying it, for the time being i guess.

It has been all about FYP lately. The deadline for my grading draft is 6 feb and my analysis and results are not out, yet. For the past 3 weeks, I have been exhausting every lobe of my brain to figure out the ways, I managed to get 60% of the thing, but the 40% is still nagging me day and night. I am at my wits end. In fact, I became very frustrated with myself for the lack of wisdom and clinical skills. To be honest, I was quite upset that help was not given to me when I am helpless, although I have sent email telling him that I need advices.

Admist the helplessness, I am still glad that many friends are giving me support. They understand the complexity involved in this portion of my analysis, and tried to figure it out with me too. I really appreciate them for their willingness to be involved in my project, although they have their project to deal with too. I haven't come up with that 40% analysis yet, but it's okay, I am leaving it for now. If there's one thing i cannot do right, I can always do the other 2 or 3 things that are right, at least.

While I was frustrated with myself, and trying very hard to cope with the fears of submitting an empty results, suddenly i saw this note that i wrote to myself right before this project was given to me. A timely reminder from God. Before I went to ballot for my FYP project, I made a small deal with Him, that is no matter what project is given to me, it is not by coincidence and I want it to be the best way for me to get closer to Him. I said no matter good or bad, I will hold onto His hands and not to forget that He is the one who gives and takes away. That note reminds me who's in control.

Sometimes I am just so immersed in the challenges and difficulty that it becomes so easy to forget the timely grace that God gave me throughout the journey. I had reached the bottleneck of my project once, but I pulled through, amazingly, and I know that it's not me or anyone else.

You know, I finally find strength in this hopeless situation. Not that I wanna work for an A for it, it's simply because I need to submit the project and I can't possibly send an empty report.
But, knowing that He is in control really comforts me tremendously. I don't know how, but i know i will pass this challenge. I know that He'll work very hard for me, only I don't lose heart in Him.

I don't know about tomorrow, but i know who holds my hands.
Knowing that I have His absolute love that is unchanging and the visions that evolve around Him really give me a little more courage.

Char Siew Pau

Was having a random conversation with my brother and he can always entertain me with his own sense of humour. He is talking about it's time to get a gal and it's last sem already and stuff like that, but once you get desperate, your value and expectation will drop, then you will get char siew pau.

One thing he wants me to remember:

Char siew pau forever is char siew pau
No matter inside got sharkfin or abalone, once u see char siew pau, u have no appetite

Just a little conversation yet he makes me so happy.
Perhaps it's because we are able to talk more freely these days.

Anxious

Philippians 4:6-7

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."