Showers of blessings :)

Met up with Hanwen for movie and dinner last Sunday. I needed to cover the floor on Sunday, but it was half-day and I met Shak awhile to go through project stuff, and she offered to drive me to PS to meet hanwen. So lucky and blessed of me :D It has been a long time since we both watched a movie and I must say that the movie we watched that day was nice and we had a good laugh throughout the movie. The Ugly Truth! Haha, yeaps it's not for kids, but it's funny hee :) After that we had our expensive dinner at LaoBeiJing, eating Beijing duck these and that -- Such a big transformation from student life to working life :)

We have known each other for 9 years already! How time flies :) And every now and then, as I look back, I am always grateful for her presence in my life. I truly miss the foursome gang, and I miss being there for her when she needs me. I must say that university life was a total shock and 100% change for the both of us - we went to different universities, we had different encounters, good and bad, and we grew up a lot during the past four years. No longer as pure and innocent, we've become more complex I guess.

The photo above was taken during our JC2 - when we were the Dance, Deco and Cheers IC of TJC Council. So young and innocent right??? Oh i miss my braces :D

A collage of what happened during my birthday. I had flowers at my doorstep in the morning! It's from my old good friend daniel! We've known each other for 10 years! My gosh I am getting old -_- Yea, he knows me pretty well and knows what I like about flowers too I must say. Thank you friend, truly surprised and I appreciate the thoughts and come home soon! :)

My sister brought me to a nice dinner and I must hereby recommend this restaurant to all of you. It's called DOZO. Don't need to find out more about it, just Go and See for yourself. River Valley Point. Nice Nice Nice! It's a Japanese fine dining restaurant, 7 courses.. Nice :D

Yeaps, I have had a good birthday :)

A Series of [UN]FORTUNATE events

It's October already...

The weird thing is, I often visit my own website and it's actually quite a silly thing to do - because I am just seeing it and not updating it despite there's countless things which I want to say. Time flies, and things happened. And before you knew it, you're over that series of things. More will be coming ahead of you.

How have you been?

Truthfully, I know I have been myself and only myself ever since long time back. Sometimes I really have no time to organize meetings and hanging out with people, simply so loaded. Sometimes, I choose to not go out and just stay home - because all that I want is just being away. I know it's kinda weird, but this is something that happens episode after episode. Somehow, I am so used to it already.

OP rotation had officially come to an end in mid August. I honestly love it loads. Love the team dynamics, the adrenaline rush, the not-so-nice patients, the very grateful patients (and it's these patients who will make your day and give you reason to keep on going), the random stress and incidents here and there...

Something that I hated myself most was to leave with such a bang. I knew no one was there to blame me, but I really felt like crap when it all happened. Such a marvelous history that a pre-reg who's not even 3 months old had so many "incidents". A big part of me was so ashamed by myself, yet a small part of me was telling myself it's ok, what doesn't kill me make me stronger - at least for all that I've done not so correctly, I will make sure I won't do that the same way again.

But the day when it was rolled out during Roll call, it sank deep down into my heart. Trying so hard to look up at the ceiling so that nobody would know that I was tearing. It was just so hard. I just hated myself so so much. For everything. I sat in the toilet and all I could do was just cry and cry. And telling myself I'd better stop crying STAT cos I needed to attend a meeting immediately after roll call.

The period when everything was just oh-so-wrong.

Yet the amazing thing is, it didn't swing me to my lowest point. And my only guess is because I've been through worse shit than that and nothing seemed comparable to that.

And to Shak, Gerry, and every pre-reg, I just want to thank you all for being there to encourage me and reassure me that I would be fine and nobody was blaming me for anything.

I know you were all standing outside the toilet when I was tearing inside. I just wanted to hide and pick myself up, and I just want to always look strong like how I always did. Thank you for believing in me.

Shak, even though you're not reading, I am really grateful for who you are and everything you've done. Thank you for listening, over and over again. Thank you for accepting me the way I am, understanding me that I am human and everyone makes mistakes. Thank you for telling me that it's ok to have emotions. Thank you for being such a friend and preceptor.

To Gerry, I am sorry, but at the same time, I am thankful for what have happened. I know it hits me hard and I have been a little negative at that point of time.

And to Claudine - I really miss OP and seeing you FM-ing, and I don't know why.

Perhaps it's just me. When you said that it's because I never avoid problem and no matter what comes along, I will just go forth and take it, that's why I am predisposing myself more to such incidence. I don't know if it's wrong, but I know if the same things happen again, I will still go forth and take them up, because I should learn to take them up and handle them.

Whatever it is, I am glad that they were bygones and I know I grew up a little..

A break back home was definitely light-heartening and I was so happy to see my niece and my sister.

She is really very adorable :)

I am officially an auntie! oh so old already :(

And my sister surely had a tough fight delivering the baby I know. She's a little weaker. Maybe it's me growing up. I feel that I have more responsibilities. I want to be there for my sister so much. And realizing that I am working and able to provide some support to her and her family made me feel so relieved, and happy at the same time. I like the new mission in me, and I really start liking providing for others, just like how God has always been providing me everything that I need.

After my short break was my first case presentation. It went quite well, and I was relieved and happy. I am deeply comforted by the feedbacks, and I know that God's telling me that when gave me a bolus of sadness, He will ensure that I will have an infusion of peace and blessings later on, as long as I hold onto His love, die to myself, and have my visions right.

Oh and I attended AH's DND with the others too. We won the best-dressed table k! So cool - pre-regs made such an impact wahaha... so happy...

The ever-so-cool and fun-loving pre-reggers :)

Me and Shark

Pre-reg with Gerry - she's my inspiration and ONE of the big reasons why I joined AH

With Claudine!

Yea, so we really had loads of fun :)

AH culture is so different from other hospitals' - we work very hard, and when we play, we go all out too :) I like being at where I am, there are so many things I can provide, give, share and learn. What more can I ask?

So after OP I went to clinics, IT then finally 4 weeks of DI.

Honestly, DI is another favorite!

Enjoyed the challenging stuff the doctors, nurses, pharmacists asked. Finding the answers from the shelves of references and product inserts and online literatures are really very challenging, yet rewarding at the same time. There's so much that you could learn in DI and tomorrow is my last day in DI already. :(

Some questions asked these 2 weeks were - how to treat elephantiasis and do we have these medicines in AH?

How about leprospirosis?

Bactrim for acne vulgaris - severe?

What is nesatidine?

And many many more! Although sometimes people can be nasty too - but it's ok, at least I learn about all the things they asked! So exciting right :)

Tomorrow I am going back to the ward. I really hope things can be better. Somehow, I have started to enjoy the 8 flights of stairs that nobody seem to walk. It gives me moments of silence, secret hideout to pray, I need to listen to God's whispers of encouragement.

Hooi Ching, don't forget that no matter how big how bad how horrible the situation is, it won't be as real as the fact that God is with you and He knows about tomorrow. Do not forget Hooi Ching.. that the God who has been to your tomorrow is here to lead you today. Do not forget that He will not let you suffer more than you could. Do not forget that come what may, all I need is to stay focussed on the only direction. Hooi Ching, just do not forget..

God, please give me courage - to accept things that I cannot change.

Help me to refuse to let what appears to be happening to distress me and cause me to doubt.

Enable me to get my eyes off the things that make me afraid and put them on you instead.

Help me to pray about everything and then, once I have prayed, to leave the answer to that prayer in Your hands.

Amen.

Serenity Prayer

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
enjoying one moment at a time,
accepting hardship as the pathway to peace;
taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it;
trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
and supremely happy with Him forever
in the next.

Amen

Wrong

Something is wrong with me :(
I keep falling sick.
The degree of lethargy just let me slip into unconscious state every 5 minutes. The whole day.

I really need to find a way to stop falling ill. It's affecting my everything and I cannot afford to take MC AND i have many things to do.

I need a jab!

And I think something is wrong with me lately.
I finally received complaints about me/ something I did wrongly etc.

I need strength.
And I need to remember the warmth of patients' gratitude.

Running my own Race

Hello :) How have you been? I feel weird lately - I kept having people saying sorry to me.

Not sure what "sorry" means to you, but if it is possible, how I wish I can be not "sorried".

Back to the title of today's post - running my own race!

Signed up for SAFRA/AHM run with a few people. But it eventually turned out that I have to run alone because of "sorries". Suddenly I remembered what Linda kept telling me that very Thursday. She spent the whole night lecturing me on loving myself, and stop distributing my all to others and leaving none to myself --> I kept asking her why she always praises me. Linda, if you're reading this, I just wanted to say Thank you. You really made me feel as if I'm the best person on earth! silly ger :) Hugs :)

Yea, so in the end, I have no partner to run the race with. When I thought I could be partner(s) to some others, but life always has its never-ending challenges for me. Didn't blame any of you - really, I know the work loads, I know that you sister demands etc... I am glad that zee reminded me that this is a race which I could run on my own.

You know, suddenly I am being reminded of Fireproof's "You never leave your partner". But ironically, despite me being a faithful follower of God, often I'm the one being left behind - by loved ones, by friends etc... I am not lamenting about my life, I just am amazed how God has used every single thing/people/ stuff in my life to ensure me to be able to walk my life with Him, albeit this is "lonely" in many's eyes.

When I realized that God will be with me throughout the race, I am deeply comforted. And zee also encouraged me a lot. SP, thank you :)

The most I've run was 5km. But I'm sure I can complete my 21km run, as long as I keep moving forward - be it walking or running or running in very baby steps.

And so I went for the race.
And I enjoyed the race - because I have God, the music, the sceneries, and I know sp was waiting for me at the finishing line. :)

To me it's my very first 21km marathon.
Completed within 3 hours (i think I should minus another 10 mins for going to the toilet).
It's not just a normal marathon to me.
I know God is teaching me a huge life lesson.

I have my first medal!
21km finisher :)

First time me and sp joining the same marathon. Thank you so so much :)

*something is wrong with blogspot --> can't post photo! Somehow I got a feeling that it's due to my computer --> it's failing me! HELP NEEDED! *

What is Pain?

Have you ever had nightmares?

Don't know why, I started having nightmares and near to terrors 2 years back. I will have vivid dreams of something that had happened or going to happen, terrified and awakened, and find myself drenching in sweats. And I will be unable to sleep thereafter and keep sweating for the rest of the night.

The repeated contents, the similar dreams, and the seemingly never-ending terror. I know Satan is always toying me around with this.

And I had one on Saturday night again.
No matter how life seems to go on, the ache and pain still linger.
Somehow I thank God for retaining me a glimpse of humanity. For my humanity set others free and I really don't mind bearing the consequences myself. Ironically, I am still able to wake up each day thanking God for the pain, for it is necessary to make me who I am or who I should be. I cannot imagine myself establishing my happiness on others' sufferings.

I must say that God has the most utmost sympathy for me. Besides that matter, He has shown absolute compassion in every other aspects of my life. For example, even though I have been busy with works and sometimes missing fellowships, I still have a bunch of brothers and sisters who will constantly reminding me that they are always there for me for the years that I have left. I have not been devoured by the works or climbing the success ladder, for life is about relationships. Sometimes I wonder why people will sacrifice relationships for money, work, and their own selfish desires. What I can say is, if those things can be exchanged with money, can be bought with money, they are not something you should work very hard for. The glory of success you get from work, the name you yearn to earn for yourself, they are all passing clouds and you can't bring them all when you bid farewell to world.

To continue, even though I am new to the job, and just started dispensing 4 weeks back with my amateur experience in counseling.. but when God sees my sincerity of wanting to give my best to my patients, He rewarded me abundantly. To my amazement, I have patients thanking me for explaining things so clearly to them, the importance of their treatments, the important things to take note of for the medical conditions they are suffering and the medications, I can see the doubts leaving their faces and what remain are 'oh now I know... etc etc..' I am very encouraged when I see that their confusions were gone. And sometimes, I see 1-2 of them coming back to me after paying for their bills, just to thank me. And suddenly I understand that my life is with a purpose, and God can use me to bless others around me, be it patients or colleagues, be it friends or lost friends. I know every single reason why God has meticulously put me in such a place like where I am now, and I'm deeply consoled and become more courageous come what may.

AND I have a very good preceptor whom everyone is envious of. Although we always stay up late to discuss about the project, I will be fetched home by the most awesome MAZDA black car. The conversations, the little transparencies that I could share are really what I deem to be important. What more could I ask when God has carefully selected the most awesome people to be placed around me?

And I have a sister who is consistently showing grace to me. We're buying house soon :) Went to look at a few at bedok south road, but the house is too old and small and we decided to keep searching until God says stop. I really wish to have a house soon because this house will be a place which nobody can kick me away, push me away like how it has been all these years. Sometimes, when people push you away too, home is the best place to hide and cry isn't it? :)

Spent the whole day out yesterday. First was church, then was sentosa and volleyball, last was watching fireproof with the bunch of blessed brothers and sisters. I am so thankful that SL offered to send me home yesterday, and again, for the blow that I had in the morning, God was trying to tell me that He's with me no matter what and as long as He is with me, I do not need to worry.

Come and think of it, I really should count my blessings.
When I need help, Help always comes.
When I need love, Love always comes in different variations which I can easily identify.
When I need to cry, He always listens and whispers into my ears that He knows what's best for me.

At the end of the day, though reluctantly painful, I still must say the pain is good for me.
It draws me to God every single day and it is this unfailing God whom I need most in the storm. The conditions He has placed in me are the best for me. I still have sufficient grace despite the thorn. Living with it for the rest of my life is unbearable, but breaking it down one day at a time seems to make thing more bearable.
When you think you have been through the toughest, suffering the aftermath is nothing, considering you only have that few years left before you bid farewell to world :)
Amen :)


ps: I heard that the movie UP is very nice, if you (anyone!) has time let's go and watch together. I haven't watched movie for a very long time.

My sister is currently in the delivery ward now. She is going to be a real mom soon :) Next year, after my pre-reg, I wish to bring her and baby for a short trip. Any recommendation? :)

ALLO! How's life for you so far?
Life has been busy for me - many things to do, many things to think about, and many things to learn too. However, I am still very thankful that I enjoy and am liking what I've been doing, just that when the physical limitation of my body overwhelm me, it can get quite tiring. :)

So far so good I guess :)

I have one new anticipation these days... that's waiting for the arrival of my niece! My sister has been issued an emergency letter for her labour since last week and the poor hubby and her have been staying at home waiting for the baby to come out. So funny :) oh man, 9 months of waiting and hoola! She's gonna be out real soon!

Went to see some baby products with my sister just now. Believe me, I haven't had the time to do some casual shopping ever since I started working. But I've been reminding myself that life's principle is love your loved ones and myself and I should not let my work overwhelm me and neglect my loved ones. God, give me strength and the wisdom to stand firm on these and to not compromise! I know that this is what You want in my life too!

My last week in OP... in fact I'm quite reluctant to leave OP. I really have enjoyed myself in OP and learnt a lot too. Today a patient thanked me, and I'm sincerely encouraged. Perhaps to you OP is a mad rush. But to me, OP is more than the mad rush. It's about the communication and understanding. I do not know how to express the feelings I have about OP and the daily happenings in OP, I just am very admiring everyone in OP and am touched that they have been patiently guiding me along all these while.

I am such a lucky girl that God has graciously put me around nice people :)

(Hee poor writing skills :( )