One Step at A Time

Have you ever had many disappointment and unfair things happen in your life? I do. I felt disheartened many times, disappointed many times, and depressed many times. And during those times, i kept telling God that i didnt want to dwell on the past and living undefeated. But each time, when i was about to feel better, something else would make me to fall again. And i think i know what's the difference between a Christian and a non-Christian. A christian feels thrashed and devasted many times, but she will never be hopeless. Because as long as you're in Christ, you know that there's still hope.

You know, one day, i started to take out a piece of paper and i drew a line across it. Solid and straight line. And i told myself, I am a child of the Most High God, and i am not going to live my life negative and defeated. This is a new day, and I am taking back what belongs to me! I did it again and again, because i fell again and again. I know i am silly. But you know what, God is a faithful God. He listened to my prayers.

And then one day, i realized that i was getting better. You know, when you draw closer to God, when you devote more time into prayers and talking to Him, you'll realize that things change. Of course, i didn't get closer to Him hoping He will repay me by doing some miracles and changing the situation from bad to good. I don't know how, but one thing that i am certain of is, God wants to restore everything that's been stolen. He wants to restore my joy, my peace, my health, my finances. I might not have vision for it now, in fact i felt doubtful many times, but however shaky i am feeling, the Lord is firm. If it were not so, i would have lost my way long ago. He changes the situation at times. Sometimes, He also changes my perception. That's how i get my hopes up all this while.

And so i learn to trust, to focus my gaze on the pool of God’s light in the present moment and not on the darkness that still lies ahead. Sis hui jun keeps telling me that hope is in the promise that amid all the confusion and obscurity of our life’s pathway, the next step will be illuminated by God’s love and grace. It’s a promise we can trust. It's a promise that i can trust. God has been faithful all along the journey so far, and he will not fail me in the steps that lie ahead, provided i take them one at a time.

To many people i may still look the same. Defeated. Popular remark in fact. I didnt explain much, cos i know it's just a process. I'm still in a healing process. It's just like after brushing your teeth, you won't wanna eat anything because you don't wanna brush teeth again. It's just like after having a clean shower you wont wanna go jogging or playing in the field again cos you won't wanna get dirty. And it's because i fell before that's why i won't wanna fall again. And because i am healing now that's why i don't want to get more wounds, because many may heal overnight but i still am trying to get healed.