It feels quite different to travel to school. Now I truly understand how my peers have been waking up early for the 8am lesson and trying to cope with the fatigue caused by sleep deficiency and long journey to and fro school daily. Luckily this experience comes to me when I am in my final semester, so not that bad. In fact, I feel I am enjoying it, for the time being i guess.
It has been all about FYP lately. The deadline for my grading draft is 6 feb and my analysis and results are not out, yet. For the past 3 weeks, I have been exhausting every lobe of my brain to figure out the ways, I managed to get 60% of the thing, but the 40% is still nagging me day and night. I am at my wits end. In fact, I became very frustrated with myself for the lack of wisdom and clinical skills. To be honest, I was quite upset that help was not given to me when I am helpless, although I have sent email telling him that I need advices.
Admist the helplessness, I am still glad that many friends are giving me support. They understand the complexity involved in this portion of my analysis, and tried to figure it out with me too. I really appreciate them for their willingness to be involved in my project, although they have their project to deal with too. I haven't come up with that 40% analysis yet, but it's okay, I am leaving it for now. If there's one thing i cannot do right, I can always do the other 2 or 3 things that are right, at least.
While I was frustrated with myself, and trying very hard to cope with the fears of submitting an empty results, suddenly i saw this note that i wrote to myself right before this project was given to me. A timely reminder from God. Before I went to ballot for my FYP project, I made a small deal with Him, that is no matter what project is given to me, it is not by coincidence and I want it to be the best way for me to get closer to Him. I said no matter good or bad, I will hold onto His hands and not to forget that He is the one who gives and takes away. That note reminds me who's in control.
Sometimes I am just so immersed in the challenges and difficulty that it becomes so easy to forget the timely grace that God gave me throughout the journey. I had reached the bottleneck of my project once, but I pulled through, amazingly, and I know that it's not me or anyone else.
You know, I finally find strength in this hopeless situation. Not that I wanna work for an A for it, it's simply because I need to submit the project and I can't possibly send an empty report.
But, knowing that He is in control really comforts me tremendously. I don't know how, but i know i will pass this challenge. I know that He'll work very hard for me, only I don't lose heart in Him.
I don't know about tomorrow, but i know who holds my hands.
Knowing that I have His absolute love that is unchanging and the visions that evolve around Him really give me a little more courage.
