This is the 5th time. My vision turned dark suddenly, followed by headache at the back of my head. Thank God i am still alright :)

I think my house is really big. Everyone else is busy with their own stuff except me. I want to get busy to get my stuff done but I couldn’t. I don’t like to stay alone in this house.

Mindy, this is it:

Life

What is your life?

The bible offers 3 metaphors that teach us God's view of life:

Life is a test
Life is a trust
Life is a temporary assignment

We are always being tested. Character is both developed and revealed by tests, and all of life is a test. Some of the tests are overwhelming, at least i am overwhelmed. I have been telling myself that God's grace is just enough, He will not allow me to be tested beyond my power to remain firm, and He will give me enough strength to endure it when i am tested. Perhaps i am religious to many people, but my life is incomplete without God, and i am not afraid to admit that i am weak and i need Him.

Jesus said, " From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked." Life is a test and a trust, the more God gives you, the more responsible He expects you to be.

Have you ever wondered what has happened to you lately that you now realize was a test from God? I feel that i am going through many tests and trials lately. Sometimes i really feel like giving up. But every night i go to bed telling myself to give up, i wake up the next morning finding myself in renewed strength to endure and hang on there.

Sometimes i really hope to see how many marks will God give me for the tests that i am going through. Sometimes i really want to see Him face to face and ask Him to bring me home.

TRITON

My parents love this car! Went to a couple of car exhibitions with them and my dad really yearns to have this car so that he can go camping with my mom and friends. My uncle has this car and he always brings my parents to the national jungle for camping :)

Maybe next time i can get them such a car hee :)

I shouldn't have chosen Guardian for my preceptorship.
The David Woo really knows how to torture us.
Assignment and evaluation and reports.He is so cute man!
Gosh, i really don't feel like studying man!
Of all the things i have learnt in pharmacy practice, the only thing i can remember is the topic on flatulence. -_-

Bought some clothes for my attachment. 300 bucks -_-
And i bought a pair of shoes from the clarks. 250 bucks -_-
And i used my dad's money -_-

Few days ago my mother saw a snake near the kitchen.
Few years back, there was a small river behind my house and there was really a lot of snakes. But there was no more snake after the construction and stuff like that.Why suddenly got snake de?

My mother was quite scared. Me too. :(

I went to my sister's new house today. She's getting married this September, and they bought a condo. A lot of renovation is going on and a lot of cleaning to be done too. Yep, and i am her standby maid!

But i really like their house, or rather, their future home. It is very colorful.Each bedroom has a different color. The master bedroom is purplish. They also have a room where a piano can be placed and my sister will conduct her piano lessons there. That room is beige in color. And their future baby room is blue in color :) i like that room a lot, and i promise my sister that i will make the room pinkish blue in future, cos i think baby like pink :) like me!

After that i went to visit my future brother-in-law. Just a month ago, he fell off from the lorry and broken his leg. The doctor said it takes at least 3 months to recover. Yep, so now he is not able to walk, work and drive. I hope he can recover fast, because i know that my sister is very worried :P

My sister asked me today if she will be xing fu. I said yes, because i know that God will bless their marriage, and i told her that she has a good husband who is faithful, understanding, hardworking and loving, and that's all that matter.

Now i have to start making wedding corsage for her. I think it'll be great if Mindy and PC are here, because they can help me to do all these art stuff. hee. I miss them so much.

I'm cutting my hair tomorrow. And i'm gonna learn driving again for the next few days, so that i will be more confident in driving. It feels really awful, because i tried so hard to keep myself occupied and distracted, but they don't make me feel better.

Home

Today is my 2nd day at home. I promised myself one thing before i came home, that is i must not let my parents know how unhappy i have been lately.

My mom came and picked me up yesterday. I really felt like crying when i saw her, because there're too many things bothering me lately, just too many things that i find myself speechless when i am asked "what happened?" But i smiled at my mom when i saw here. Because i really was glad to see my mom, and i really wanted to go home. You know, whenever I feel so weak and troubled by many unhappy stuff, i really want to go home, and i often pray that i could wake up in the Heaven the next day.

Today, my sister showed me the ring that her future husband gave her. it's a simple ring, and the diamond is so small too. I heard her complaining, but i only smiled at her because i knew that she was actually very happy when he proposed! yes he is not rich enough to buy her a big diamond ring, but wad's more important than his pure and sincere heart of wanting to spend the rest of his life together with my sister? I really am glad for her because she has found the one whom she is willing to spend the rest of her life with.

God, will i ever find one too?

James

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

James 1:2-4

I like the book of James because it is full of God's covenants.How often do you read the bible? I don't read it often. But i read the bible story book. And something i love about this bible story book is its first page, it says, "Jesus loves me, this i know. For the bible tells me so."

Fall

I do not know how to take all these that are happening to me without You. Things just come so suddenly that sometimes i find myself so helpless Lord. Many times, i pleaded in front of you Lord, i asked "Why do all these have to happen to me?"

God, i know all these must have been from You. God, i don't know what is Your plan for hooi ching, but there is one thing that i need to know, that is i have to trust you Lord.

I was told that the eye examination will only last for 20minutes. But it lasted for almost an hour. She sees something wrong in my eyes, and probed further, and examined further.

She took the images of the back of my eyes and i could never forget her expression as she looked into the screen and found out that something seems to be going wrong in my eye.

God, if it weren't You, i know i would not be able to stay calm for what is coming.
God, i really am afraid then.
She stared at the image of the back of my eye for quite some time and finally asked me if i am working.
I said no.I am still studying.
She asked, "Do you have any medical subsidies or coverage?"

My heart stopped beating for a moment. I asked myself, "Why? Why do all these things have to happen at the lowest trough of my life? Why must they come so suddenly? I'm caught unprepared Lord."

God, she said that there is something in my eyes that is normally unseen in normal people. Lord, she said she will discuss with the eye specialist she is working with and get back to me.

God, i am shocked. I don't know how should i react to many things that are happening to me.

God, i feel so weak, yet i know that You are still holding my hands.

God, i feel really sad. But i trust You Lord. I know You are still taking care of me.

God, my dad said he wants to stop working after this June. he is tired. Will i make my father more tired? Will he have to continue working because of me?

God, teach me what to do.
I feel so defeated.
I know i can rely on You Lord.
Help me God.
I feel that i cannot stand up again by myself.

God, i don't want words from humans.
I want to hear from You only.
Lord, if these are not from You, please take them away from me.
If these are from You Lord, please make me strong and draw me closer to You.

Healing

I want to make myself better.

Hee i have a baby face. I was just thinking, even if i put on the white pharmacist coat during my attachment period, how many people will see me as a pharmacist. Hee, i think i look young, too young that people find it unbelievable that i am actually a trainee pharmacist. Hee..

I was just shopping around for some clothes and shoes for my attachment. I wonder what suits me. I want to look young, and professional, because pharmacy is a profession. Somehow i feel quite excited whenever i imagine how i will look in the white coat. I need some time to polish myself up. I need to buy suitable clothes. I think i look good when i dress up, and when i make an effort to look good. I must look good and confident during the attachment :) Hee, wish i have more money.

I went to see the doctor to get some prescription medicine for my face. I think i should do something to my face. It looks fine, with ocassional acne outbreak. But i feel that i can make it better, and i want to make it better because i want to put some light makeup during attachment since it's in a retail setting.

today, i also solved one problem that is troubling my body for very very long time. And i was right. I hope it can be healed.

I want to be healed.
I want to heal myself, and i know God is healing me, in many ways.
I know i will get there eventually.

A Pure heart

I feel that i have a pure heart that longs to follow God
I feel that God has made my heart whiter than the snow

You know what? i really think i am a simple and pure girl, and i think that makes me unique and beautiful in the eyes of a lot of people.

I have a heart that yearns for God's words, a heart that wants to grow stronger in Christ.
I have a heart that always leads me into doing the things that i think it is right, eventhough it might seem silly.
I have a heart that longs to make my friends happy , because they told me that they love to see me smile.
I have a heart that longs to love my parents, not only because it is God's first commandment that we have to honour our parents, but also because their love is unconditional, and my parents have sacrificed so much because they love us.
I have a heart that tells me that i want to be in health care to save people, and now i am finally on the way to accomplish this dream of mine. You know, i have been thinking about this ever since i was in primary 1.
I have a heart that is so pure that sometimes i will take things in the less complicated way, and view things in the simplest manner. Some laughed at me for being so simple-minded, but that makes them happy and i guess that's enough.

And i have a heart that is undivided and pure when i love a man whom i really want to be with, even though i am being hurt by the words and empty promises many times, but seeing the smiles and silly laughters on his face, the memories that we have shared, make the hurt worthwhile.

Someone tells me that i should be more focussed on going after my ambitions and goals.

I am.

Not that i am not pursuing my dream, it's just that you don't know what are they.
I do not want loads of money in my life, because i know i will always have enough. My dream can only accomplished when i really become a pharmacist. My dream is to be a good pharmacist and help as many people as i could, through my profession and through God. My goal is to live a meaningful life that the people ard me will feel loved and cared for.I just want to be genuine to myself, and others. I do not want to earn big bucks and drive big car.Cos that's not important to me at all.

I am working hard towards these goals, these are simple goals i know, but they could be hard to attain. But i will work towards them. I am getting closer to my family, the friends ard me, and i know my pharmacy stuff well. Most importantly i still serve my Lord well and i rely on Him,not myself. I know i will work in a hospital in future, and by then i can deal with many people, interact with many patients.And i really am looking forward to it, cos i will be happier. One day, if an epidermic break out, if a disease is beyond control, i know i will be one of the person staying behind the locked hospital doing the best i could to save the patients.

That day the lecturer said, if there's another SARS-like disease break out,and nobody knows how to cure it, the hospital has to be locked up and the healthcare members have to choose to stay or leave. i think i will stay. I may die, but i think if this is the last chapter of my story, it is indeed a happy ending. because when i meet Jesus in heaven, i will tell Him that i have completed this journey, and it has been a beautiful journey.

That's why i put my blog name as "purity". And i choose a white template. I simply love them. Hooi ching really does not want to be a complicated girl, let me stay as pure as i can be.

New blog

Many asked me why a new blog. Hee i'm sorry, i couldn't access my old blog and i want to keep writing, so that people who care abt me can still receive some updates from me. Yep, so from now on, this is my new blog. :)

A new Beginning

It's the end of a semester again.

So much had happened in just a couple of months. Taking 5 core modules were really stressful, and the projects, lab reports, tutorials that came with these modules really made me very tired. You know what's the most tiring of all? It's working hard on the things that you really want to do well but the results you gained from all your efforts were disheartening.

Perhaps i have been very focused on my studies throughout the semester, that when it came to the exam period, i realised my battery was running very low. Perhaps it's the fear of 2 killer papers on the same day that took my confidence away. I know i have been studying well and revising quite a couple of times, but the state which one is in when taking an exam really makes a great deal of difference.

I realised that i have so much fears within me. I fear that i will lose the things that i cherish a lot, reason being i cherished it too much..

Many times i really wish to return to the past. Because it was then that there were no worries, no conflicts, no harshness of reality. But lately i have realised that many times, one has to choose to face the harshness of reality and grow up from it, because there are just too many responsibilities that one has to take up. Recently, God is telling me a lot of things. He said, "Hc must grow up".

I really want to grow up, so that the ppl who care for me will be happier because of me. I really hope i have the time. Have you ever thought before that life is like a storybook? It is an interesting story book because you will never know what is the ending. You only know that in each chapter there are ups and downs, happiness and sadness, but all these made your life interesting. And for each fall that you have, there will always be a lesson that you can learn, and apply to your future chapters of life. Although you don't know what the ending is, you know who is controlling this story, and that person is God.

And because i know that God loves me enough that He will guide me through each chapter of my life, i know that the ending will be good, for it's in His hands.