Fall

I do not know how to take all these that are happening to me without You. Things just come so suddenly that sometimes i find myself so helpless Lord. Many times, i pleaded in front of you Lord, i asked "Why do all these have to happen to me?"

God, i know all these must have been from You. God, i don't know what is Your plan for hooi ching, but there is one thing that i need to know, that is i have to trust you Lord.

I was told that the eye examination will only last for 20minutes. But it lasted for almost an hour. She sees something wrong in my eyes, and probed further, and examined further.

She took the images of the back of my eyes and i could never forget her expression as she looked into the screen and found out that something seems to be going wrong in my eye.

God, if it weren't You, i know i would not be able to stay calm for what is coming.
God, i really am afraid then.
She stared at the image of the back of my eye for quite some time and finally asked me if i am working.
I said no.I am still studying.
She asked, "Do you have any medical subsidies or coverage?"

My heart stopped beating for a moment. I asked myself, "Why? Why do all these things have to happen at the lowest trough of my life? Why must they come so suddenly? I'm caught unprepared Lord."

God, she said that there is something in my eyes that is normally unseen in normal people. Lord, she said she will discuss with the eye specialist she is working with and get back to me.

God, i am shocked. I don't know how should i react to many things that are happening to me.

God, i feel so weak, yet i know that You are still holding my hands.

God, i feel really sad. But i trust You Lord. I know You are still taking care of me.

God, my dad said he wants to stop working after this June. he is tired. Will i make my father more tired? Will he have to continue working because of me?

God, teach me what to do.
I feel so defeated.
I know i can rely on You Lord.
Help me God.
I feel that i cannot stand up again by myself.

God, i don't want words from humans.
I want to hear from You only.
Lord, if these are not from You, please take them away from me.
If these are from You Lord, please make me strong and draw me closer to You.