Refine My Heart

Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in Him. For everything in the world - the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does - comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.

1 John 2:15-27

Oft times when life is giving, and bounty I receive,

I put my trust in earthly things; To sinful ways I cleave.

But when in faith I fix my eyes on Thy celestial Throne,

I then bow ashamed at my vain pride and worship Thee alone.

Woe is me, Woe is me,

for I am as one undone;

my voice can only praise Thy name and worship Thy dear Son.

Woe is me, Woe is me,

my lips tho' unclean shall sing,

"Lord, purge my sin, refine my heart,

for mine eyes have seen the King"

Lord, I give myself a vessel;in Thy service I will be;

I hear you ask,"Who'll go for us?"Lord, Here am I, send me.

I will proclaim Thy cleansing blood 'till all the world has heard.

And salvation's lamp will burn so bright through the power of Thy Word!

Woe is me, Woe is me,

for I am as one undone;

my voice can only praise Thy name and worship Thy dear Son.

Woe is me, Woe is me,

my lips tho' unclean shall sing,

"Lord, purge my sin, refine my heart,

for mine eyes have seen the King"

We sang this song in Church camp last year. Today, we sang this song during worship and I had this nagging feeling within me that kept telling me that this has to be my prayer.

Woe is me.

Perhaps it's the messages preached in church these months that cut to my heart for they have been so densely focussed on the matter of our heart and spirit. I'm truly thankful, for I know this is exactly what a seemingly already numbed heart should know and re-embrace.

You know, I've been in a season of numbness for the past few months. I have been well, okay with my life - and because of that I felt that I've not been hearing from God. I always have this thinking that it's so much easier to experience and get intimate with God in times of trials but it's so much harder to even feel His presence in times of comfort. The former made one helpless and therefore needs to draw strength from God; but the latter made one becoming more complacent and doesn't see the need to draw strength from God.

I was the latter. And I hated it.

I blamed it on Him, for He took away the trials that once made me come closer to Him.

But I have been so wrong and I regretted so so much.

Didn't know such mistake can hurt the heart so so much.

Didn't know such thinking that 'it's harder to experience God when life is easy' can discount so much grace that I could otherwise have received.

I should have prayed when life has been kinder to me.

But I lost the momentum to seek Him when things become easier.

I lost the communication bit by bit when He's there all along, ready to echo my prayers. All I know was to blame it all on the numbness - so conveniently.

Shall just let bygones be bygones. Suddenly realized that relationship with God doesn't have to be a roller coaster and life doesn't have be to filled with trials and sufferings to know that God's real. Relationship with God is real, even without those packages of additives. Just like 爱情不是轰轰烈烈`的故事；而是平平淡淡的陪伴.

Actually, to be able to walk with Him, and to experience Him even in the seemingly normal and eventless day, can be the most blissful thing on earth.