Something is wrong with me :(
I keep falling sick.
The degree of lethargy just let me slip into unconscious state every 5 minutes. The whole day.
I really need to find a way to stop falling ill. It's affecting my everything and I cannot afford to take MC AND i have many things to do.
I need a jab!
And I think something is wrong with me lately.
I finally received complaints about me/ something I did wrongly etc.
I need strength.
And I need to remember the warmth of patients' gratitude.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Running my own Race
Not sure what "sorry" means to you, but if it is possible, how I wish I can be not "sorried".
Back to the title of today's post - running my own race!
Signed up for SAFRA/AHM run with a few people. But it eventually turned out that I have to run alone because of "sorries". Suddenly I remembered what Linda kept telling me that very Thursday. She spent the whole night lecturing me on loving myself, and stop distributing my all to others and leaving none to myself --> I kept asking her why she always praises me. Linda, if you're reading this, I just wanted to say Thank you. You really made me feel as if I'm the best person on earth! silly ger :) Hugs :)
Yea, so in the end, I have no partner to run the race with. When I thought I could be partner(s) to some others, but life always has its never-ending challenges for me. Didn't blame any of you - really, I know the work loads, I know that you sister demands etc... I am glad that zee reminded me that this is a race which I could run on my own.
You know, suddenly I am being reminded of Fireproof's "You never leave your partner". But ironically, despite me being a faithful follower of God, often I'm the one being left behind - by loved ones, by friends etc... I am not lamenting about my life, I just am amazed how God has used every single thing/people/ stuff in my life to ensure me to be able to walk my life with Him, albeit this is "lonely" in many's eyes.
When I realized that God will be with me throughout the race, I am deeply comforted. And zee also encouraged me a lot. SP, thank you :)
The most I've run was 5km. But I'm sure I can complete my 21km run, as long as I keep moving forward - be it walking or running or running in very baby steps.
And so I went for the race.
And I enjoyed the race - because I have God, the music, the sceneries, and I know sp was waiting for me at the finishing line. :)
To me it's my very first 21km marathon.
Completed within 3 hours (i think I should minus another 10 mins for going to the toilet).
It's not just a normal marathon to me.
I know God is teaching me a huge life lesson.
I have my first medal!
21km finisher :)
First time me and sp joining the same marathon. Thank you so so much :)
*something is wrong with blogspot --> can't post photo! Somehow I got a feeling that it's due to my computer --> it's failing me! HELP NEEDED! *
Monday, August 10, 2009
What is Pain?
Have you ever had nightmares?
Don't know why, I started having nightmares and near to terrors 2 years back. I will have vivid dreams of something that had happened or going to happen, terrified and awakened, and find myself drenching in sweats. And I will be unable to sleep thereafter and keep sweating for the rest of the night.
The repeated contents, the similar dreams, and the seemingly never-ending terror. I know Satan is always toying me around with this.
And I had one on Saturday night again.
No matter how life seems to go on, the ache and pain still linger.
Somehow I thank God for retaining me a glimpse of humanity. For my humanity set others free and I really don't mind bearing the consequences myself. Ironically, I am still able to wake up each day thanking God for the pain, for it is necessary to make me who I am or who I should be. I cannot imagine myself establishing my happiness on others' sufferings.
I must say that God has the most utmost sympathy for me. Besides that matter, He has shown absolute compassion in every other aspects of my life. For example, even though I have been busy with works and sometimes missing fellowships, I still have a bunch of brothers and sisters who will constantly reminding me that they are always there for me for the years that I have left. I have not been devoured by the works or climbing the success ladder, for life is about relationships. Sometimes I wonder why people will sacrifice relationships for money, work, and their own selfish desires. What I can say is, if those things can be exchanged with money, can be bought with money, they are not something you should work very hard for. The glory of success you get from work, the name you yearn to earn for yourself, they are all passing clouds and you can't bring them all when you bid farewell to world.
To continue, even though I am new to the job, and just started dispensing 4 weeks back with my amateur experience in counseling.. but when God sees my sincerity of wanting to give my best to my patients, He rewarded me abundantly. To my amazement, I have patients thanking me for explaining things so clearly to them, the importance of their treatments, the important things to take note of for the medical conditions they are suffering and the medications, I can see the doubts leaving their faces and what remain are 'oh now I know... etc etc..' I am very encouraged when I see that their confusions were gone. And sometimes, I see 1-2 of them coming back to me after paying for their bills, just to thank me. And suddenly I understand that my life is with a purpose, and God can use me to bless others around me, be it patients or colleagues, be it friends or lost friends. I know every single reason why God has meticulously put me in such a place like where I am now, and I'm deeply consoled and become more courageous come what may.
AND I have a very good preceptor whom everyone is envious of. Although we always stay up late to discuss about the project, I will be fetched home by the most awesome MAZDA black car. The conversations, the little transparencies that I could share are really what I deem to be important. What more could I ask when God has carefully selected the most awesome people to be placed around me?
And I have a sister who is consistently showing grace to me. We're buying house soon :) Went to look at a few at bedok south road, but the house is too old and small and we decided to keep searching until God says stop. I really wish to have a house soon because this house will be a place which nobody can kick me away, push me away like how it has been all these years. Sometimes, when people push you away too, home is the best place to hide and cry isn't it? :)
Spent the whole day out yesterday. First was church, then was sentosa and volleyball, last was watching fireproof with the bunch of blessed brothers and sisters. I am so thankful that SL offered to send me home yesterday, and again, for the blow that I had in the morning, God was trying to tell me that He's with me no matter what and as long as He is with me, I do not need to worry.
Come and think of it, I really should count my blessings.
When I need help, Help always comes.
When I need love, Love always comes in different variations which I can easily identify.
When I need to cry, He always listens and whispers into my ears that He knows what's best for me.
At the end of the day, though reluctantly painful, I still must say the pain is good for me.
It draws me to God every single day and it is this unfailing God whom I need most in the storm. The conditions He has placed in me are the best for me. I still have sufficient grace despite the thorn. Living with it for the rest of my life is unbearable, but breaking it down one day at a time seems to make thing more bearable.
When you think you have been through the toughest, suffering the aftermath is nothing, considering you only have that few years left before you bid farewell to world :)
Amen :)
ps: I heard that the movie UP is very nice, if you (anyone!) has time let's go and watch together. I haven't watched movie for a very long time.
My sister is currently in the delivery ward now. She is going to be a real mom soon :) Next year, after my pre-reg, I wish to bring her and baby for a short trip. Any recommendation? :)
Don't know why, I started having nightmares and near to terrors 2 years back. I will have vivid dreams of something that had happened or going to happen, terrified and awakened, and find myself drenching in sweats. And I will be unable to sleep thereafter and keep sweating for the rest of the night.
The repeated contents, the similar dreams, and the seemingly never-ending terror. I know Satan is always toying me around with this.
And I had one on Saturday night again.
No matter how life seems to go on, the ache and pain still linger.
Somehow I thank God for retaining me a glimpse of humanity. For my humanity set others free and I really don't mind bearing the consequences myself. Ironically, I am still able to wake up each day thanking God for the pain, for it is necessary to make me who I am or who I should be. I cannot imagine myself establishing my happiness on others' sufferings.
I must say that God has the most utmost sympathy for me. Besides that matter, He has shown absolute compassion in every other aspects of my life. For example, even though I have been busy with works and sometimes missing fellowships, I still have a bunch of brothers and sisters who will constantly reminding me that they are always there for me for the years that I have left. I have not been devoured by the works or climbing the success ladder, for life is about relationships. Sometimes I wonder why people will sacrifice relationships for money, work, and their own selfish desires. What I can say is, if those things can be exchanged with money, can be bought with money, they are not something you should work very hard for. The glory of success you get from work, the name you yearn to earn for yourself, they are all passing clouds and you can't bring them all when you bid farewell to world.
To continue, even though I am new to the job, and just started dispensing 4 weeks back with my amateur experience in counseling.. but when God sees my sincerity of wanting to give my best to my patients, He rewarded me abundantly. To my amazement, I have patients thanking me for explaining things so clearly to them, the importance of their treatments, the important things to take note of for the medical conditions they are suffering and the medications, I can see the doubts leaving their faces and what remain are 'oh now I know... etc etc..' I am very encouraged when I see that their confusions were gone. And sometimes, I see 1-2 of them coming back to me after paying for their bills, just to thank me. And suddenly I understand that my life is with a purpose, and God can use me to bless others around me, be it patients or colleagues, be it friends or lost friends. I know every single reason why God has meticulously put me in such a place like where I am now, and I'm deeply consoled and become more courageous come what may.
AND I have a very good preceptor whom everyone is envious of. Although we always stay up late to discuss about the project, I will be fetched home by the most awesome MAZDA black car. The conversations, the little transparencies that I could share are really what I deem to be important. What more could I ask when God has carefully selected the most awesome people to be placed around me?
And I have a sister who is consistently showing grace to me. We're buying house soon :) Went to look at a few at bedok south road, but the house is too old and small and we decided to keep searching until God says stop. I really wish to have a house soon because this house will be a place which nobody can kick me away, push me away like how it has been all these years. Sometimes, when people push you away too, home is the best place to hide and cry isn't it? :)
Spent the whole day out yesterday. First was church, then was sentosa and volleyball, last was watching fireproof with the bunch of blessed brothers and sisters. I am so thankful that SL offered to send me home yesterday, and again, for the blow that I had in the morning, God was trying to tell me that He's with me no matter what and as long as He is with me, I do not need to worry.
Come and think of it, I really should count my blessings.
When I need help, Help always comes.
When I need love, Love always comes in different variations which I can easily identify.
When I need to cry, He always listens and whispers into my ears that He knows what's best for me.
At the end of the day, though reluctantly painful, I still must say the pain is good for me.
It draws me to God every single day and it is this unfailing God whom I need most in the storm. The conditions He has placed in me are the best for me. I still have sufficient grace despite the thorn. Living with it for the rest of my life is unbearable, but breaking it down one day at a time seems to make thing more bearable.
When you think you have been through the toughest, suffering the aftermath is nothing, considering you only have that few years left before you bid farewell to world :)
Amen :)
ps: I heard that the movie UP is very nice, if you (anyone!) has time let's go and watch together. I haven't watched movie for a very long time.
My sister is currently in the delivery ward now. She is going to be a real mom soon :) Next year, after my pre-reg, I wish to bring her and baby for a short trip. Any recommendation? :)
Monday, August 3, 2009
ALLO! How's life for you so far?
Life has been busy for me - many things to do, many things to think about, and many things to learn too. However, I am still very thankful that I enjoy and am liking what I've been doing, just that when the physical limitation of my body overwhelm me, it can get quite tiring. :)
So far so good I guess :)
I have one new anticipation these days... that's waiting for the arrival of my niece! My sister has been issued an emergency letter for her labour since last week and the poor hubby and her have been staying at home waiting for the baby to come out. So funny :) oh man, 9 months of waiting and hoola! She's gonna be out real soon!
Went to see some baby products with my sister just now. Believe me, I haven't had the time to do some casual shopping ever since I started working. But I've been reminding myself that life's principle is love your loved ones and myself and I should not let my work overwhelm me and neglect my loved ones. God, give me strength and the wisdom to stand firm on these and to not compromise! I know that this is what You want in my life too!
My last week in OP... in fact I'm quite reluctant to leave OP. I really have enjoyed myself in OP and learnt a lot too. Today a patient thanked me, and I'm sincerely encouraged. Perhaps to you OP is a mad rush. But to me, OP is more than the mad rush. It's about the communication and understanding. I do not know how to express the feelings I have about OP and the daily happenings in OP, I just am very admiring everyone in OP and am touched that they have been patiently guiding me along all these while.
I am such a lucky girl that God has graciously put me around nice people :)
(Hee poor writing skills :( )
Life has been busy for me - many things to do, many things to think about, and many things to learn too. However, I am still very thankful that I enjoy and am liking what I've been doing, just that when the physical limitation of my body overwhelm me, it can get quite tiring. :)
So far so good I guess :)
I have one new anticipation these days... that's waiting for the arrival of my niece! My sister has been issued an emergency letter for her labour since last week and the poor hubby and her have been staying at home waiting for the baby to come out. So funny :) oh man, 9 months of waiting and hoola! She's gonna be out real soon!
Went to see some baby products with my sister just now. Believe me, I haven't had the time to do some casual shopping ever since I started working. But I've been reminding myself that life's principle is love your loved ones and myself and I should not let my work overwhelm me and neglect my loved ones. God, give me strength and the wisdom to stand firm on these and to not compromise! I know that this is what You want in my life too!
My last week in OP... in fact I'm quite reluctant to leave OP. I really have enjoyed myself in OP and learnt a lot too. Today a patient thanked me, and I'm sincerely encouraged. Perhaps to you OP is a mad rush. But to me, OP is more than the mad rush. It's about the communication and understanding. I do not know how to express the feelings I have about OP and the daily happenings in OP, I just am very admiring everyone in OP and am touched that they have been patiently guiding me along all these while.
I am such a lucky girl that God has graciously put me around nice people :)
(Hee poor writing skills :( )
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