"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet no one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid, you are worth more than many sparrows."
- Matthew 10:29

This is the 4th week of semester already. Time flies. And you feel it more so when you are occupied with many stuff, many events and activities. But time also makes you feel like you're rotting like an apple, and i feel it most now, after all the matches, trainings, happy gatherings ended. The past 4 weeks had passed, too swiftly in many ways. Good or bad i no longer know. But i like the distractions the business offer. Less time and space to think, and think, and THInk.

Feeling kind of disappointed with myself today, for being a moron, again. Barely utter any word. Mindy is trying so hard to get me to speak and all i could give is speechless smile. Not that i'm angry with my dear friend, it's because i needed to cool down very badly, today. If i can't get myself to cool down, i can feel myself falling into trough of sorrows again and again. And if i don't cool down enough, i can't go on.

God, i have always been questioning myself. Am i mentally impaired? the idea of escapism seeds within me and grow stronger and stronger day by day. why am i not able to be the cheerful gal my friend needed me to be, esp she is now going through a separation that had once doomed upon me too a year ago. God, i wanted to quarrel with you so so much. Why why WHY? everytime, everything, i ask You, because You are all i could turn for comfort, for answers.

God, today, i feel that, i'm holding a horrible grudge against You.
So wrong.
Yet i am being reminded that YOU do care for me.
God, it's the fear. Again and again.
Everyday is so difficult. Yet You said " as thy days, thy strength shall be in measure"

Let me feel that You're still beside me.