Lord has created Me this way

Today I am working as a pre-reg on a beautiful Sunday in Alexandra Hospital.
Today is also my last working day in AH, as a pre-reg.

I am going John Hopkins tmr. Oncology.
Pray for me :)

Today, when I was dispensing to a patient at bedside, I was quite affected by his expression. He was quite impatient, skeptical and rude. And then I kept thinking - why is he like that? It didn't affect me a lot, because I have a lot of patients to counsel on, a lot of discharges to type, a lot of supplies to manage. But the incidence with this patient triggered my thoughts a little.

Why is he like that?

And who am I?
Why am I like that? WHY am I the way I am?

People who know me well, work with me everyday, will always have to hear me complaining "oh no i put on weight etc etc". People who know me better will know that "abscess" refers to tummy in hooi ching's context.

Yea. I always complain that I am putting on weight. Despite running up and down, from one end of the hospital to another end many times a day, running up stairs from basement to the highest floor, I still think I am putting on weight. And as time goes by, as my clinical knowledge grow a little, or as I deal with more patients, I like to use the term "abscess" and "need to drain away my abscess". As time goes by, I heard people talking about abscess of their own - and I felt, eh, how come my lingo has become a common term these days among them?

This is the way the Lord has created me. I do not have the hottest nor the slimmest figure on earth. Yet with the little roundness I have, it's still a shape :) I am not slim yet I look fine overall, in totality. I still can fit into the clothes I buy online and receive good comments from people. I have freckles and pimple on the face, and my cheeks are always red - yet people feel comfortable looking at me because I have a friendly and approachable voice. I am not tall yet I always have people taller than me as good friends - Mindy is one example! Haha. I am not the smartest people on earth yet I do fine overall in every area of my life. My hair is dry but the permed hair has made me more ladylike as time goes by. I am a fast eater and I eat faster than guys. Yet despite the pressure I always exert on people during mealtime, I still have people who like to have meals with me and chat with me.

Suddenly I realized that I love the way I am. All these characteristics on me suit me very well. If any of them were missing/ became what I desired, I will no longer be so special. And I really am unique because God has made my appearance unique, my past experiences unique, my process unique, my thinking is unique, and my future gonna be unique too.

Me going John Hopkins - isn't it another unique thing of me? :)

Human is just so weird. Often, we do not see that we are already the most beautiful - because we often look at what we don't have or desire, but little did we realize that we have never really seen or accepted whatwe already had. Lately, I am surrounded by people who are dejected, low self-confidence, and people who are really tired. Sometimes, I tried very hard to push sense into them but in vain.

Why do we always see the insufficiencies in us and neglect the fact that we already had a lot? The cup is half empty - but it is also half-full.
Why let the low self-worth mechanism errodes us away when you can do so much more with what you are equipped with, once you are willing to accept the way you are? It is ok if one is not validated by people on the good things she does, but it is not ok to live by the validations/ praises - because they are just so meaningless.

Do everything in love. Love never fails. Because love comes from God and God will never EVER fail us. AND more importantly is that God has accepted us the way we are, the problem is - have you accepted yourself?

Things can be that simple.