Abide with Me

Words by Henry F. Lyte (adapted)
Melody by William H Monk (adapted)
Arranged by Sally DeFord

Abide with me! Fast falls the eventide
The darkness deepens; Lord, with me abide
When other helpers fail and comforts flee
Help of the helpless, oh, abide with me

I need thy presence every passing hour
What but thy grace can foil the tempter's power?
Who like thyself my guide and stay can be?
Through cloud and sunshine, Lord, abide with me

I fear no foe with thee at hand to bless
Ills have no weight and tears no bitterness
Death has no sting, the grave no victory*
I triumph still if thou abide with me

There's time to grieve, and time not to grieve.

And now it's time not to grieve.

I love the hope and confidence expressed in this hymn too.

I remembered sis Hui Jun telling me the story behind this hymn when I was heart-broken then. I am not sure if I mixed up the stories, but somehow this story just etched in my heart.

The author of this song lost all his family members because of shipwreck, and he's the only survivor, and every now and then, when he sees the ocean tides, memories overwhelmed him, sadness gripped him, yet he knows who's on the throne. Lord gives and takes away, but He does not do that to destroy but to bless.

I don't know what the author felt then. What's the blessing God gave him he must be thinking?

But because of his experience, the faith and hope in this song that he wrote, gave so many believers strength to hope in Christ.

If I know this experience of mine is usable by God, then I shall not grieve anymore.

This is a chance.

Every hardship is a chance.

http://www.defordmusic.com/abidewithme.htm

A Letter to Yourself

Dear you,
Who’s reading this letter
Where are you and what are you doing now?

For me who’s 15 years old
There are seeds of worries I can’t tell anyone

If it’s a letter addressed to my future self,
Surely I can confide truly to myself

Now, it seems that I’m about to be defeated and cry
For someone who’s seemingly about to disappear
Whose words should I believe in?
This one-and-only heart has been broken so many times
In the midst of this pain, I live the present

Dear you,
Thank you
I have something to tell the 15-year-old you

If you continue asking what and where you should be going
You’ll be able to see the answer

The rough seas of youth may be tough
But row your boat of dreams on
Towards the shores of tomorrow

Now, please don’t be defeated and please don’t shed a tear
During these times when you’re seemingly about to disappear
Just believe in your own voice
For me as an adult, there are sleepless nights when I’m hurt
But I’m living the bittersweet present

There’s meaning to everything in life
So build your dreams without fear
Keep on believing

Seems like I’m about to be defeated and cry
For someone who’s seemingly about to disappear
Whose words should I believe in?

Please don’t be defeated and please don’t shed a tear
During these times when you’re seemingly about to disappear
Just believe in your own voice

No matter era we’re in
There’s no running away from sorrow
So show your smile, and go on living the present
Go on living the present

Dear you,
Who’s reading this letter
I wish you happiness

Saw this video from my brother's blog. The music, for a moment, put a stop to my heartbeat. Sometimes the depth of the thoughts of my brother really mesmerize me a lot. We fought too much in the past, yet we both know deep down inside, we have depths of feelings for each other. Pure kinship, depsite the quarrels and unhappiness. If you like, can visit his blog http://mukashi-shourai.blogspot.com. You'll be fascinated by his perseverance towards the language and all. I am starting to look up to him more and more.

Ya, a letter to yourself.
I did the same thing.
Maybe I can only read in 10 years down the road.

How to Praise You in this Storm?

"I am in tears yet I am calm..."

Do you hate to see someone crying? I guess it depends a lot on who that person is to you.

I used to hate crying, because it hurts to see someone crying, anyone.

Do you cry when you're hurt? Be it physically or emotionally.

I remembered people in JC know me by someone who does not shed tears easily.

Once, I saw the most bloody person I've ever seen. Someone who was injured so much because of an accident after blading, yet not tearing.

That was the first physical hurt that made me cry I guess. But that physical hurt was not on me, but it was translated to me, and then transformed into something emotionally hurtful.

Many people became emotionally irrational when tearing.

But I found myself to be emotionally calm yet tearing at the same time. For the longest time ever, I sat at the swimming pool, very dark at night. There were only stars and me, and God.

不管天有多黑，星星还在夜里闪亮。

不管夜有多长，黎明早已在那头盼望。

不管山有多高，信心的歌把它踏在脚下。

不管路有多远，心中有爱仍然可以走到云端。

谁能跨过艰难，谁能飞跃沮丧，

谁能看见前面有梦可想，

上帝的心看见希望，你的心里要有眼光。

I cried for the longest time, yet I felt calm at the same time.

You cannot tell anyone, because no one will ever understand what you're going through.

Perhaps, I have been bottling up for the longest time ever, because of repetitive failures.

So in the end, it left only me and stars, and God.

God, I can only hope You understand.

This is the largest ever turmoil I've ever gone through.

At the most intricate timing.

I want to praise You in this storm. I don't know how. Could You teach me?

God, today, You've pushed me to my limit, again.

I don't know what about tomorrow.

I just am dead tired.

 

 

How can someone's laughter bring me close to tears…

Helplessness.

Utter bitterness.

It feels as if there's a flame engulfing me.

Very unhappy, burdened heart.

Lord, give me courage.

Leaving School

Today is the second last day of school. School, a word so dear and familiar to me, yet it's going to leave my life in 2 days, for a long long time to come. I am feeling quite reluctant to leave school already. It felt like it was just yesterday that I moved to KE7 hall and became a freshman. It felt like yesterday that all nightmares, rollercoasters and wonderful times of my life just took place.

I guess this is so human. We looked back at our memories, and we compare how different we have been after all these memories had happened. When I was a little girl, university seemed to be a far-fetched idea. But now, I'm graduating from university already. In addition, I am a pharmacy graduate from a reputable university in Asia. How amazing. I wouldn't think this could happen when I was a little girl many many years ago.

And yea, so I'm graduating soon! Commencement on 9th july. It is a pity that my eldest brother can't get back in time. Sometimes it just feel good to have your loved ones attending the ceremony. But it's okay, I'm sure we will have chances to participate in each other's life events in future. Oh ya, today I went to try out the gown with mindy and hui lin, it was quite funny. We were chatting and playing ard with the gown and the cap thingy. Big headed people!

Today is the last session of Pharmacy Practice 3. It's quite a fun session. In fact, every PP3 session was like a mini-assessment of each of us. From group counseling to medication counseling to retail practice today. Today we played something called "Retail musical chair". There were 35 stations, and in each stations they were a range of products which one will see in any pharmacy out there. In each station, there's also some questions regarding the products on that station, and we're supposed to answer all of them. Negative markings! So yea, each station = 1.5 minutes, and you have to know the products and answers to the questions.

There was a station with a lot of ophthalmic products and you would be asked which product should not be used in closed-angle glaucoma, which can be used in the treatment of sty. One station asked about what's the difference between bonjela gel and oral paste. One asked about what are 2 essential counseling points for patient using Ketotop patch (ketoprofen patch) for the first time. If there's an obese patient who's extremely fearful of painful injections, which insulin syringe should you recommend (Insulin syringes have a wide range, from 29 gauge - 31 gauge. different diameter of needle, different length etc...). To remove warts, callus, corns, which is a RX product and which is an OTC? Can a diabetic patient use these products?

What allergy can happen in patients taking glucosamine?

Which of the health supplement can lower cholesterol and improve cardiovascular status?

Can you use minoxidil (for hair growth) and Nizoral shampoo (antifungal shampoo) at the same time?

There're a lot of questions, useful ones, and relevant ones. But they also killed a lot of us i guess. haha. nevertheless, I enjoyed the session loads :)

After that, we went for a dinner at marche. Our supervisor treated 10 of us for dinner. Had quite a light-heartening chatting session, I couldn't ask for more I guess.

Till then :)

Funeral

It's so touching, isn't it?

Companions

We were supposed to watch this:



Mj said we should catch a hilarious movie to have a good laugh, especially after the counseling session and my FYP.. In the end, the tickets were selling fast and we didn't manage to catch this movie.

We watched this instead:

The Unborn ( I didn't dare to upload the picture here, it's just too horror to be on my blog!)

Freaked me and judy out!
It's a scary movie!

Nevertheless, I enjoyed the companions, the chats :)

Shall put some photos here!


The place where we watched the HORROR movie.
Mj loves this cinema!


The popcorns! Judy likes salty popcorn and Mj loves the sweet ones... so we have a mix!



Before the movie :)



Me and Judy at secret recipe, after the movie!


Miao Juan and the chocolate indulgence :)


The reason of our insomnia wheesh!



It's been so long :)

Random thoughts

This is a total pleasure man! It's a pleasure to just sit around in school after the medication counseling. Well I am not that free la, I need to wait for mj to finish with her counseling session cos we are going to meet judy for dinner and MOVIE tonight! yesh!!! my virgin movie of the year!!! wheesh!

Today is the last session of medication counseling. In some ways, I feel a bit reluctant that this is the last session. I really enjoyed every of the four sessions, despite the adrenaline rush and apprehension awaiting us prior to every session. I must admit, I've learnt a lot. And I am starting to think that, I am really suitable to be a retail pharmacist. Sometimes it is just so ironic. Apart of me knows that I will enjoy the dynamic and more personal interactions with the customers/ patients in a community/retail setting, but a small part of me also yearn for the eye-opening exposure a hospital setting can provide.

Maybe next time, when I think that I've learnt enough/ enjoyed enough in the hospital, I shall venture and be a full-time retail pharmacist.

A quick flashback, 4 topics that I have covered in these medication counseling sessions were:

Session 1: Diabetes
First session, a little nervous. I watched youtube multiple times to see how is insulin supposed to be injected using the insulin pen. However, watching it and doing it is totally different. Didn't have the chance to orientate myself with the injection pen and catridges during my preceptorship, that's why I resolved to watching youtube to see if it helps to get a better idea. Watching is easy, but when the real injector was right before me, I was totally disorientated and unfamiliar. Sigh. Nevertheless, I tried my best, and she said that I was quite good considering that was my first time using the injector. But i know I should have done better, and I need to. Can't imagine myself counseling patient on using a medicine device which I myself am not well-orientated, or familiar with.

Counseling on a pregnant lady with Type 1 Diabetes. The session went fine, but it was also through it then I realized that what I've learnt before was mere knowledge if I don't know how to apply. I know I can do better, if the knowledge that I have is no longer just, knowledge.

Session 2: Oral Contraceptives
This topic wasn't taught during the curriculum and we have to read up. Counseling was fine, I guess I was more confident, as a pharmacist-to-be. In fact, I quite like this topic because this is a social drug, and I have some personal encounters with it during the course of my life thus far (yeah I don't use it myself, don't worry.).

I did something silly.
I didn't check the prescription thoroughly, thinking the focus of this whole session was just counseling. The prescription that I got just happened to be... FAULTY! Darn, I was so carried away during the entire session, neglecting the most basic thing about prescription validity. And I took for granted that patient had no drug allergy. The prescription did not have doctor's signature!!!!

Just when you thought you did well, something just happened to turn out not right.
I know it's part of learning. I accept these mistakes, just they are too silly to make!!!
I need to be more responsible from now on.

Session 3: Smoking Cessation and Warfarin
Smoking cessation written case was okay. Weird enough, I have tonnes of things to talk people out of smoking but when it comes to someone you know, personally, all these things, or rather knowledge, just don't work anymore.

I remembered advising an old uncle to quit counseling during my year 2 preceptorship.
The uncle refused, and gave me a handsign of dying.
And he said ' if I quit, I'll die. That's what happened to my friend.'
I was shocked then. I didn't expect to get such an answer from him.
True enough, this is what some smokers feel, especially the older ones, for they smoke their entire lives. But I can only say, you don't die from quitting smoking. If you do, it simply tells that the damage that you caused to your body had reached the irreversible, severe stage and quitting a day later may fast-forward D-day a day earlier.

Warfarin counseling... wasn't too bad. I think I almost killed my patient by not giving vit K at INR 8. Yeah, the higher INR, the thinner your blood is, and thus higher risk of bleeding. FYI, warfarin is an anticoagulant. Every hospital has different protocols as to what to do if patient's INR is abnormal. I learnt about not giving vit K if no risk of bleeding, but just... when it comes to real practice, different ppl have different judgment core... and yea, next time i will give vit K. (vit K reverts the action of warfarin, in a way).

Session 4: Skin
I didn't study until this morning. In fact, I can't study much too cos I've left my notes back in KL. Luckily I saw edwin online and asked if his lecturer had covered this topic in their PP2 module. And he said yes and sent me a copy! God really blessed me. I was nasty last night by reading twilight the whole day and watching unecessary drama to increase my level of pleasure. And I told God that I was sorry for not doing what I'm supposed to do, rather what I'm not supposed to do I keep doing. And the next day I found out that all my notes are not with me, cos I brought home the other time.

But God knows my limitations and He knows that it's not that I'm lazy to study.
That's why He made sure edwin was online to send me the notes which were of GREAT help (thanks brudder!). I made my way to school earlier, one hour earlier, so that I could print the notes and read them. It's actually a refresher cos I've learnt abt skin in year 2.

The counseling was quite good I felt. And she said I was quite good.
All glory to my Lord!

I think it's a good ending to my counseling session.
I think I'm more encouraged to do a better job next time, for God, and for people.

It's Good Friday! :)
And judy, mj and me are supposed to watch confession of a shopaholic!

RARRRR

RARRR... i finished reading twilight and now I need a new anchor .. urgh!

Time to start studying :(
I need to find the mood. Sigh.

Random thoughts :)

I'm on chapter 15 of Twilight. Yes, I have been reading it since last night and it's like ruling my entire person already! Somehow I find it so amusing.... withdrawal symptoms after all these years of total no pleasure in reading. I guess I don't know what I'm talking about, reading more doesn't make one a better writer. Once again, tested and proven.

I guess the body has been going haywire lately.
First the intense dizziness and fainty feeling despite lying on the bed.
Now the stomachache. I hope it's not due to butterflies of reading too much twilight.
Nevertheless, admist all these, I am enjoying myself much.
The pleasure of slacking despite the impending counselling warfare tomorrow and the pharmacotherapy test next tuesday. I guess I am taking things too lightly, another withdrawal symptoms of FYP.

Of all the things that I've done in the past few days, I'm most glad to enter DT last night.
Indisputably, the first 15 minutes are always the defining moments every time I attend church meetings. It's just the essence, a deep engrave in my heart.

God, I yearn for that kind of simplicity too.
Make me a bigger vessel, so that the pinch of salt will be diluted by the volume of water that I am containing.

Mixed feelings

Yesterday marked the end of FYP grading. Had my oral defense on tuesday, not too bad, but all could tell that I was nervous. Darn, why weren't I aware that uM is not micromolar scientifically, and there ought to be a space between 2.5 and g/m2. Sigh. So the third examiner sharply pointed these out and I was like... SHOCKED. Didn't expect these to be unacceptable cos I sent my report in these format for multiple times and it wasn't pointed out wrong. Nonetheless, I know it's really my mishap.

The Q&A wasn't too bad, I was defending I know. Hope it can offset the mishap. Was quite relieved when the oral defense ended, I was sweating throughout, so you can imagine how nervous I were.
2nd examiner said it was a good study.
Thank God!

Poster presentation went well too. Here are the photos.


My poster. (The report is better, really.)


10 of us under one supervisor. Guess who is my supervisor?
Well is a he. Yea. so pretty straight forward.


This is Mindy's poster. She is really a good designer:)


The poster winners!
Oh gosh, Dr Georgia Pastorin is stunningly cool!





In fact, sometimes things just turned out to be quite magical. We felt like shit and worked like hell throughout these 8 months, yet all we can see from pictures here are megawatt smiles. So much of unspoken struggles, hidden truths. But one thing for sure, we have grown up, quite a bit at least :)

Somehow, many things are better left unsaid. I guess it's because I'm feeling very unwell, it's UTI. Sigh :( Luckily I managed to dig out co-trimoxazole double strength from my sister's medication box. But only 2 doses left. Guess I need to visit the doctor tomorrow.


Finally gotten a chance to catch up with pc and mindy. It was half a year ago since we went out together. See what FYP had done to ALL of us! Nevertheless, I'm still glad that we have the girlie talks, the gossips and the feast :) They always eat more than me, and I guess the major reason is cos I keep eating the air most of the times.

I was trying very hard to find which was our last photo taken together and it was like 6 months back????
Don't you think we look different?



Got an email from him last night.
I really hope I can don't touch my FYP again. He said Dr Lim and Dr Tao just read my report, and mentioned that if it is to be published in journal(Journal of Oncology Practice) , I'll need to shorten by report by at least 1000 words. I really hope to just focus on my studies from now on and don't touch my report ever again!!!