I have some thoughts today and I think it'll be nice to write it down before I jump into work again.

I like AH :)

I know I'm incompetent, but every day I find more reason to want to be a pharmacist.

I like the people here.

And I think i like outpatient pharmacy more and more.

If you are free, come to AH to visit me. I'm in the outpatient pharmacy at the main lobby, you probably need to identify me through my eyes cos I'll be wearing mask.

I want to be a pharmacist.

And I am glad that I am growing more passionate towards this profession which is so un-noticed amongst the many healthcare professionals.

:)

Blue Skies

On days of gray
When doubt clouds my view
It's so hard to see past my fears
My strength seems to fade
And it's all I can do
To hold on, 'til the light reappears
Still, I believe though some rain's bound to fall
That you're here next to me
And you're over it all

Lord, the sky's still blue
For my hope is in you
You're my joy
You're the dream that's still alive
Like the wind at my back
And the sun on my face
You are life
You're grace
You are blue skies
You're my blue skies
When nights are long
Seems the dark has no end
Still we walk on in light of the truth
For waiting beyond
Where the morning begins
Is the dawn, and you're mercy anew
Oh, to believe we're alive in you're love
There is so much to see
If we keep looking up

You fill the heavens with hope and a higher love
A picture, a promise for life

Today is my 3rd day of work. Yes, hc has officially joined the working adults world. I am feeling quite sad and reluctant about it. Nonetheless, I know that with the beginning of this new phase, God will continue to show me His perfect will in this new journey.

Waking up is a torture so far. Although the official working hour is from 9-5.30pm, but I usually have to reach by 7.30 for clinical forum, 8am for CE ( a form of discussion/ lectures involving pharmacists and technicians). The greatest consolation is that, I am not the only who has to wake up so early. The whole pharmacy dept is there despite it is so early. I really benefit from the clinical forums - this is a session whereby the more senior doctors will share some information about practising etc etc.

I think I am in the right hospital. I remember how in the other hospital, I used to be struggling very hard to gain as much clinical knowledge.. because the culture was such that the more knowledgeable people = the more competent people.

I like AH for its culture.
Patient at the heart of focus.
I see how everything every dept does is to bring better quality of care to the patients coming to this hospital. And I am truly glad that I'm here because it's this passion that will make me stay happy in this profession. So yea, if you ask me how different AH is from the other hospital I did my attachment at - it's the focus of the hospital I guess and the culture. I think these combination suits me better :)

It's a tough fight I have to say, but I know every pre-regers are going through this together too.

Anyway, I need to find time to read Toyota Production System hee!

Thoughts

When I went to China last week, I stayed in a small farm village with my relatives. Long-distance relatives? Not very sure for the past history was very complicated.

Nonetheless, I had a good experience staying with them, and I enjoyed every moment and simplicity presented right in front of me.

The people there are poor, but they never feel lacking of anything. They don't lack of money, because they can survive every day through everything that is available to them. If they need to cook, they will get the fresh vegetables and potatoes from their own farm; they don't lead luxurious life like us... they don't need nice clothes, nice watches, nice hair etc etc...


The farms




This is where the water comes from... Underground water is so refreshing :)

I have much reflections then and now, but they are all beyond words can tell..

The basic of life. Live everyday one day at a time, and being contented with what you have and not thinking about what you don't have.

On a side note, I got bitten by sand fly and and I think it's quite bad :( They are very itchy and swollen and doctor said I have to be on medication for 20 days. Luckily it's oral medication, John was saying he needed to take 2 jabs when he got them last time in army. Thank God!

Tommorow is my first day of work.

Just now I had a heated argument with him and I felt so hurtful for what he said and I told myself not to shed a tear in front of him. Why is my existence in this world such an undesirable thing to him? How can I not feel this way when I was treated like this from young till this very day?

Is my birth into this world so annoying to you? Why why why??

Today I have an awful feeling which I fear much.
So many moments of helplessness, prayers, and silences but they all failed to take this awful feeling away.

God, when will this end :(
Is it because I am starting work?
Or is it because I have this conviction that things inside won't change despite the work?

Please let me wake up in heaven Lord.


Hopefully by then I won't have my lion head with me too.

Contentment

I think I’ve NEVER taken so many flights in such a short time span. During my 20-days Australia trip, I took 4 internal flights and 2 international flights, at least. How I wish I can witness someone needing to give birth while on plane but it never happened. I have to leave on a jet plane in 4 hours and sleeping at this time is not a good idea because I will not get a REM sleep.

My niece is coming up this August, and I’ve been thinking what English name I should give her. (I have quite a large autonomy in this area hahaha!)

I like the name Paul. But it’s not for girl. Maybe I’ll name my nephew Paul in I have one. Yes, Paul is one of my favourite characters in the bible.

Not sure if you’re as silly as me, but have you ever wondered why Paul always liked to express joy and give thanks for every single thing that happened to him? He seemed to be able to translate every adverse situation as some thing good. More than that, he actually internalized the ‘good thing’. The whole book of Philippians is to tell believers that God knows our needs and promises to provide for them. We are to trust him with an attitude of thanksgiving and find contentment in what we are given.

Bible always says ‘ask God for everything you need Phil 4:6’.

But do you have times when the one thing you want is the one thing you never get? You’re not being demanding, and you think that you really ask according to God’s words – and all you want is an open door or an extra day or an answered prayer – for which you will be thankful.

But no answer.

Have you ever questioned yourself – what if God says no?

What if the request is delayed or even denied??

What if God says no, and says ‘my grace is sufficient for you’.

Another question – Will you be contented?

Contentment. That’s the word. Heart of being at peace even if God gave you nothing more than he already has. You plead him to keep your child alive, your business afloat, your cancer cells die away on its own – what if God says – My grace is sufficient for you. Will you be contented?

If you are contented, can you tell me why?

And one very important question - Is God still a good God when He says no?

Notice

I realized I didn't finish my previous post about Hahndorf. If you're interested to see and know how this German village on Adelaide Hills looks like, you need to flip my old posts. Nice pictures, so it's quite worth taking a look at the photos I think :)