OPTIONS.
That's the word.
CHOOSE.
That's another word.
How should I say? Many times, I felt suffocated by the piles of works that never seem to be able to clear. Many times, despite running out of time, I still choose to do things which I should not do - or rather, doing things that do not fit their priorities.
I often choose to rebel. I know what's right, yet I always choose the opposite way. And guess what? Then I suffer the consequences from my lack of control. I seem to be playing an episodic drama that keeps going on and on with no ending, and the ridiculous thing is, the storyline is the same - ending is the same, ie the pathetic, frustrated, unhappy me.
Sometimes I get so afraid. I am very scared that my growth in Christ has stopped together with that incident. Because I was not driven to desperation anymore, so I tend to take things for granted, take them in a lighter mode. But as I continue behaving like this, the tranquility in me is being distorted, and transformed into raging waves that almost engulfed me.
STOP.
Another word.
I have to stop letting loose. I have to buck up in prayers. It's not a duty, but that's how I've been living. I soon realize that praying is like breathing. Without prayers, I cannot even think properly and correctly. Without prayers, I feel so powerless against the many things that are coming towards me. Without prayers, Satan's thoughts keep attacking me, the old stories came haunting me, and I became more and more depressed and I lost the power to fight. Because I don't even know if I'll win the war?
That's Satan's tactic.
He made you feel that you've lost it before you even start fighting the war.
What's the point of having 100% oxygen when you're not even breathing?
What the point of having so much blessings surrounding me when I can't even see them because I have stopped praying?
I really have to stop being like this.
I need to get back to the heart of prayers, the heart of searching You, and You only.
And yes You're right. Often we can choose the things we do.
We can choose to pray and not to indulge in the worldly entertainment that only makes you sink deeper.
We can choose to think in God's way when the situation is bad, because God's promises never fail.
Choosing to do the RIGHT things can be so hard.
I tasted the intensity of this difficulty.
Yet along with it, I have also forgotten that things will not be impossible if I pray, if only I have the heart to pray. Set my mind to pray about it and have the willingness to anticipate how God is gonna work through me.
I feel so so stupid. For choosing the wrong things all the time.
I feel like there's no time to waste. I have to choose to do it right NOW.
God has not given us a spirit of fear,
but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
2 Timothy 1:7
Fear NOT girl!
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