What he was saying was - when our pure existence is to touch lives, to spread Gospel through people and our lives, how can we possibly not communicate with people through our daily living? How can we choose to be focused on the works at hands and forgo even a 5- minutes conversation with our loved ones?
I might have left out certain words/ sentences - but the gist is there.
You know, this is me.
Everyday, when I reach home around 9 plus, I will quickly go to shower and then start working on whatever that I need to clear. I know I will never be able to clear the piles of works - yet I keep telling I have to start doing before it's getting more.
I rarely talk to my sister, despite we are staying in the same house, sleeping on the same bed, sharing the same wardrobe. She doesn't dare to "disturb" me, because subconsciously, I actually radiate a "do not disturb me" signal to everyone.
One day. Two days. As time goes by, it becomes permanent.
We seldom talk.
And slowly, we lost the communication.
I became short-fused when I see her weakness.
She is still as tolerant. Although sometimes she also will let it off on me when I really piss her off. It's not that we are in a bad relationship, just that, our relationship is not getting better.
Perhaps it's typical for sisters to occasionally have a tiff, BUT i know things are slightly different for us. I remembered the reason I moved out from hall to stay with my sister was to get healed, and to build a home with her. I also remembered that we both hoped that when we decided to stay together, we would be closer and prayed harder for our parent's salvation.
But things don't seem to happen in this expected way.
No doubt I get healed, no doubt we are closer to getting a house.
But our relationship has been strained - because of my selfishness and my ignorance. I have always taken her for granted. If you know my sister, you will know that she's an easy going person, while I am more stubborn.
I know many times, we want to revamp this broken relationship. No, we want to overturn this barrier that's separating us. But I have always been too passive and I always tell myself - after pre-reg things will be better, I will spend more time talking to her.
But as I've told one of my colleagues that she cannot possibly wait for pre-reg to be over for things to get better - because if it doesn't now, it'll never be. The key is now.
And I think that I need to tell that to myself.
If I think that the barrier with my sister will disintegrate after my pre-reg then I am darn wrong. If I think that my workload will be less after pre-reg then I am also very wrong.
Because things will never get better unless I start praying about them now.
Can 5 minutes a day make things better?
I have too much pride :(
But I have no reason to hold this pride :(
This has always been bothering me.
And I know that now that I've penned it down, sent the petition to You, Your help will definitely come. God, I know that few months later, as I look back, things will definitely be different.
Give me the courage to crush the gate.
To you: You might have known, you might have not known about this website. But if you do know, don't let me know that you've known. I do not know how to face you if you really know. Because many times I cannot live up to what I've said. Yet sometimes I wish you know my heartfelt apologies. I know I have really been a nasty sister. I really know. But I really am blessed. I am blessed to have you with me through the years. I shouldn't have expected you to be a different sister, because whoever you are, whatever you've been, are really the best that I could ask for.
Lord, I invite Your presence to invade my life in a fresh, new way.
Help me to sense Your presence in greater power and depth than I have ever been able to before.
Take away ALL feelings of separation, rejection, or lack of connection to others,
and give me a greater sense of being connected to You.
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